Straight Up Redneck

[fightingquaker13]

Brothers, I am fixing to testify.  I waked my uncle not two weeks ago. Now when I showed up at the house there was not a car in sight. It was all pickups, SUVS, and in my dad's case a van. The wake? Pretty much the same. It was an assembly of hippie left wing rednecks from Gainesville (home of  UF, where my uncle was a counselor and taught a class on wilderness survival). The family got liquored up going over old family photos of growing up in the Everglades in the '40s and '50s, and what it was like being the sons of a forester on a swamp logging operation. Then, of course, everyone, sons, daughters, stepsons and grand kids decided to show off their guns. Lord, Dianne Feinstein and Michael Bloomberg would have had an aneurysm at the amount of hardware produced from people's pockets, much less the stuff that was "in the car".  My favorite was my cousin Lucy, now 24 that I hadn't seen since she was 10 pulling a Smith .357 out of her purse.  So, on the way back to my dad's house in Naples, I was in full "Dukes of Hazard" and proud of it mind set. And what did I spy off I-75? There, in the booming metropolis of Micannoppee was a bill board reading "REAL FIRE WORKS".
 
 
 
Now perhaps some members of this board have more self restraint than I, but it was inevitable that I pulled over. And I bought some bottle rockets and I was going to buy some M-60s (just so I could blow my fingers off like our mothers warned us).  But the good Ol' boy running the place sold me these underwater firecrackers instead  at only $5 per 100. They are waterproof and sink.
 
 
 
Now given that I live in the glades, and fish off my dock (which I unwillingly share with a gator of about 7 feet) these are what the doctor ordered. Today the SOB was on my dock ladder, resting his head on the top step. Two of those things dropped about five feet behind him? It was like some one set off a depth charge. I have never seen a gator move that fast in my life. Straight up redneck, and I ain't apologizing either.  

[GeorgeCook]

Brothers, I am fixing to testify.  I waked my uncle not two weeks ago. Now when I showed up at the house there was not a car in sight. It was all pickups, SUVS, and in my dad's case a van. The wake? Pretty much the same. It was an assembly of hippie left wing rednecks from Gainesville (home of  UF, where my uncle was a counselor and taught a class on wilderness survival). The family got liquored up going over old family photos of growing up in the Everglades in the '40s and '50s, and what it was like being the sons of a forester on a swamp logging operation. Then, of course, everyone, sons, daughters, stepsons and grand kids decided to show off their guns. Lord, Dianne Feinstein and Michael Bloomberg would have had an aneurysm at the amount of hardware produced from people's pockets, much less the stuff that was "in the car".  My favorite was my cousin Lucy, now 24 that I hadn't seen since she was 10 pulling a Smith .357 out of her purse.  So, on the way back to my dad's house in Naples, I was in full "Dukes of Hazard" and proud of it mind set. And what did I spy off I-75? There, in the booming metropolis of Micannoppee was a bill board reading "REAL FIRE WORKS".
 
 
 
Now perhaps some members of this board have more self restraint than I, but it was inevitable that I pulled over. And I bought some bottle rockets and I was going to buy some M-60s (just so I could blow my fingers off like our mothers warned us).  But the good Ol' boy running the place sold me these underwater firecrackers instead  at only $5 per 100. They are waterproof and sink.
 
 
 
Now given that I live in the glades, and fish off my dock (which I unwillingly share with a gator of about 7 feet) these are what the doctor ordered. Today the SOB was on my dock ladder, resting his head on the top step. Two of those things dropped about five feet behind him? It was like some one set off a depth charge. I have never seen a gator move that fast in my life. Straight up redneck, and I ain't apologizing either.  

+1

[alfsauve]

Sounds like you sent your uncle off in proper style.

Georgia use to be more lenient regarding fireworks and as a kid I blew my fingers off several times... At leat it felt like they were blown off.

[twyacht]

Any reputable fireworks dealer cannot have all 10 digits....

Hey FQ, what exactly is a "hippie left wing redneck"? 

[fightingquaker13]

Any reputable fireworks dealer cannot have all 10 digits....

Hey FQ, what exactly is a "hippie left wing redneck"?  

My uncle.
 A bearded, dope smoking, gun toting, Bronco driving guy who grew up in the swamp, who loved Willie and Neil Young and hated W.. He could have been an extra on Duck Dynasty despite the PhD.  He and his second wife,who was a serious bow hunter and worked for Bear Archery in the 1970s when they were in Gainesville, and BTW girls killing bambi, particularly with a bow, wasn't the done thing then, sought to build a house. So they, and kids and step kids moved to this rural property and lived in tents and a cabin while they built this nice two story home by themselves. Very impressive in the end, but sadly, the marriage didn't survive the project. Still, that my friend, is a hippie leftwing  redneck.

[Sponsor]

[tombogan03884]

My uncle.
 A bearded, dope smoking, gun toting, Bronco driving guy who grew up in the swamp, who loved Willie and Neil Young and hated W.. He could have been an extra on Duck Dynasty despite the PhD.  He and his second wife,who was a serious bow hunter and worked for Bear Archery in the 1970s when they were in Gainesville, and BTW girls killing bambi, particularly with a bow, wasn't the done thing then, sought to build a house. So they, and kids and step kids moved to this rural property and lived in tents and a cabin while they built this nice two story home by themselves. Very impressive in the end, but sadly, the marriage didn't survive the project. Still, that my friend, is a hippie leftwing  redneck.

I'll not speak ill of the dead (in this case), but weren't those the people waving VC flags and wearing Che tee shirts in DC back in the 60's ?
The  communists who should have been machine gunned mid protest ?
The hero's who burned their draft cards, and spit on those of us man enough not to ?

[fightingquaker13]

I'll not speak ill of the dead (in this case), but weren't those the people waving VC flags and wearing Che tee shirts in DC back in the 60's ?
The  communists who should have been machine gunned mid protest ?
The hero's who burned their draft cards, and spit on those of us man enough not to ?

He was an officer in the US army. Ask first Tom, it keeps you from stepping on your unit with the golf shoes.

[twyacht]

FQ, he sounds like my Carolina Grandfather-In-Law, outside of the dope smokin', he just made his own liquor, and grew his own veggies instead..

Sounds more like an old school Southern Democrat, by today's standards, in some circles, would be considered "right of center"....

Go Figure, but than again they can't help hating Bush, it must be in the DNA...

Keeping it simple, just leave me and the family alone, let me do "my" thing, and to each his own....doesn't sound like the family has drank too much Kool-Aid either....and that's OK....

Thanks for the explanation.

[tombogan03884]

He was an officer in the US army. Ask first Tom, it keeps you from stepping on your unit with the golf shoes.

That AND a PhD ?
That explains why he was a leftist better than my theory .

[fightingquaker13]

That AND a PhD ?
That explains why he was a leftist better than my theory .

Yeah. He was a psychologist. He did good work at the U. too.
His job as a counsler was to help out kids who got into drug and alchohol problems. A fair number of folks we'd never seen turned up, and most were because of this work. It was nice, and it moved his kids.