Non Gun Stuff...

[Hazcat]

OH!  So that's why I've been divorced twice!  Wish someone had told me this before!

[Pathfinder]

OH!  So that's why I've been divorced twice!  Wish someone had told me this before!

Slow learner, eh?

[sledgemeister]

Phil put this up on his facebook..
 I got a hoot out of it. !

Have you been checking out his bathroom reno?
Ask him how hes going shaping the hebel bricks 

[Teresa Heilevang]

I got this and thought it was worth putting on here.
Teresa

When I was little, my mom liked to make breakfast for dinner every now
and then.

And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after
a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage
and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to
see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit,
smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember
what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter
and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite! When I got up from the
table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for
burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love
burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and
I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at
work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit
never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people.
I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. What I've learned over the years
is that learning to accept each other's faults- and choosing to
celebrate each other's differences- is one of the most important keys to
creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the
good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet
of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give
you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker! We could
extend this to any relationship in fact - as understanding is the base
of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!


Author Unknown

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep
it in your own."

[Johnny Bravo]

I got this and thought it was worth putting on here.
Teresa

When I was little, my mom liked to make breakfast for dinner every now
and then.

And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after
a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage
and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to
see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit,
smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember
what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter
and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite! When I got up from the
table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for
burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love
burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and
I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at
work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit
never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people.
I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. What I've learned over the years
is that learning to accept each other's faults- and choosing to
celebrate each other's differences- is one of the most important keys to
creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the
good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet
of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give
you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker! We could
extend this to any relationship in fact - as understanding is the base
of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!


Author Unknown

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep
it in your own."

Thanks M'ette.....another good one.

[Sponsor]

[Kid Shelleen]

I got this and thought it was worth putting on here.
Teresa

When I was little, my mom liked to make breakfast for dinner every now
and then.

And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after
a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage
and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to
see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit,
smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember
what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter
and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite! When I got up from the
table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for
burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love
burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and
I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at
work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit
never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people.
I'm not the best housekeeper or cook. What I've learned over the years
is that learning to accept each other's faults- and choosing to
celebrate each other's differences- is one of the most important keys to
creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the
good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet
of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give
you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker! We could
extend this to any relationship in fact - as understanding is the base
of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!


Author Unknown

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep
it in your own."

You are the coolest lady. Some of your posts.......................Thanks!!!

I am very happily and very luckily married to a wonderful lady (Johnny Bravos sister) but we need a clone of you (or a sister) for him. You rock!!!

[red364]

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.



Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.


Hi Sue,


Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.


Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.


As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.


Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.


Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn.  I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.


The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.


When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.


I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.


Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.


When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.


The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.


Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'


Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?


May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Pass this on to all your friends, just in case they're having a bad day!!!

[tt11758]

OH!  So that's why I've been divorced twice!  Wish someone had told me this before!

The reason you've been divorced twice is that you never married a THIRD time.   

[m25operator]

Thanks RED, good one, have to remember that. Jellyfish day

[Teresa Heilevang]

I am very happily and very luckily married to a wonderful lady (Johnny Bravos sister) but we need a clone of you (or a sister) for him. You rock!!!

Johhny Bravo........... "Honey.. if we can find a way to ditch old Marshal... we 'll give it a shot.. but hell.. I've tried losing him a time or two and he always finds his way home back to me..  ***pssstt Johhny~~If my shade is pulled down then the coast is clear... If my shade is..................well you know..............

I'm just kidding........... really I am.. I love Marshal.... and I've never ever tried to leave him someplace..
Really I haven't...

Really..............................................

No I mean it.. I really haven't...