You might be a Liberal if.................

[gunman42782]

http://townhall.com/columnists/JohnHawkins...p;comments=true



By John Hawkins



With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...

* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.

* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.

* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.

* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.

* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."

* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.

* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.

* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.

* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.

* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.

* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.

* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.

* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.

* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.

* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.

* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.

* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.

* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.

* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.

* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.

* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.

* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.

* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.

* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.

* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

Links and References to Other Pages:

http://townhall.com/columnists...ge=full&comments=true

[Neon Knight Anubis]

That put a smile on my face 

[someguy]

Tell it, brother...

[dj454]

+100!!

[PegLeg45]

Now that's good stuff.....

[Sponsor]

[tombogan03884]

10 ring

[tt11758]

Amen, brother.

[twyacht]

 

[Dakotaranger]

To be fair and balanced from my blog 04/26/06  http://dakotaranger.blogspot.com/2006/04/you-might-be-conservative-if.html

You Might be a Conservative if:
You spend more time with your firearms than your family.

You can quote the Constitution by heart, which is silly because you carry two copies: one in your shirt pocket and one in your jeans.

You would go hunting with dick Cheney, but wouldn't accept a ride from Ted Kennedy.

When someone says Rhino you think they mean RINO (Republican In Name Only), and say that stupid Arlen Spector.

You have to buy another shotgun because the gunrack you got for Christmas has three sets of hooks.

Some says Air America and you start talking about the Eighties Mel Gibson movie and complain we should have never ran from those stupid Commies.

You know your a conservative when your complaints about Bush revolves around government spending and the "guest worker" idea.

You were happy to see Harriet Myers go the way of the dodo.

You think global warming is what happened after each of the ice ages that this world had

You believe that the rule of law is important to an orderly society.

You support the Minutemen because they are acting as Americans not a group of handwringing wusses waiting on the government to do something about law breakers.

Your heroes wear white hats. John Wayne and Clayton More (and by association Jay Silverheels)

Believe that if the Bible was taught up forty years ago in school then it doesn't violate the separation of church and state.

You would turn in your own grandma if she broke the law.

You believe compromise should only happen in marriage and only close to bedtime so you don't end up on the couch.

You are looking forward to Flight 93 because our heroes need to be honored and remembered. Not torn down.

You go out of your way to thank the troops.

You thought about buying American products but you just can't imagine driving a Nissan Pickup.

You don't believe in Unions

Would end public education

[Hazcat]

Is that supposed to be a satirical list