Bah! Humbug!

[Big Frank]

It looked like it was going to be a good Christmas, until my neighbor's dog from 2 houses down came in my yard and bit me again. I made it though November unscathed, but had to make 2 trips in 3 months to the after hours clinic, to get my wounds treated and start a course of antibiotics which always give be explosive diarrhea. As the old saying goes, $#!t happens. A lot! Usually while sitting on the toilet, but not always.   The cops eventually came after I called 911 and I told them what happened, then they headed over to the neighbor's house. I think this dog is a pit bull mix. I don't know what it's mixed with, but it's meaner than a badger and bites like an alligator. Maybe it's part Hodag.

It's a good thing I bought a Bah Hum-F*ck T-Shirt when I bought a few other Christmas shirts this year. This was my contingency plan if things didn't go well. I was hoping to never need it. The new dog bite looks worse now that the bruising has shown up. It bit me on both arms and one leg in October, but the bite on my arm, just blow this bite, stung like a bad carpet burn and I couldn't even feel the other bites. I saw them when I changed clothes. I didn't wait for it to lunge at my face this time. I swung my fist by its head but missed. I was moving too fast, or anticipating its move. I continued the swing as it jumped at me and used my arm to shield my face. I'd rather have it bite my elbow than bite my nose off.

https://www.gruntstyle.com/products/bah-hum-f-ck-t-shirt-red-plum?srsltid=AfmBOor751lGHkRYesloEMumwA04VuPA90I89XQtsPNk7nG-Na13npbW

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodag

[Rastus]

Man that's terrible.  I heard of a guy once, who had an idiot neighbor with a German Shepard that wanted to bite he or his kids in his own yard.  Problem was if he shot the dog he'd probably have to shoot the neighbor too and if he called the police...maybe have his house burned down while he was gone.  Same thing if he poisoned the dog because everyone knows what that looks like and the neighbor knew the dog was his neighbor's problem. 

When he had some leftover chili one day he put some in a stocking and left it out on trash day.  The dog ate it and after 2-3 days was never seen again.  It seems that stockings hang up in the dog's gut and cause a most excruciating death which is attributable to eating trash.  And maybe the guy just got rid of the dog...who knows?  Regardless, he never saw the dog again.