I wrote this about a year ago and posted it on a couple of other boards. If anyone here saw it there and grows weary of seeing it again here, I apologize. I just didn't have anything else to post today
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HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR BEATER GUN TODAY?
Beater guns might not be much to look at, but as a group and as a concept, I think they're downright beautiful.
Plain and sometimes even homely to begin with, devoid of pretense or polish, well-used, knocked-about, scarred and yes, beat up, beater guns nonetheless have a gloriously utilitarian charm. They're here to work, thank you very much, not sit around and pretty-up the joint. They have a job to do and they do it, appearances be damned...or at least darned.
'What is a beater gun?' you might ask. Excellent question, Grasshopper, and one that I'll answer first with a few examples. No -- on second thought, since I'm rather fond of examples, I'll answer it with more than a few.
What is a beater gun? The 2" Charter Arms Pathfinder .22 that an old gentleman keeps in his tackle box, loaded with shotshell ammo, to shoot water moccasins with -- that is a beater gun.
The old model Ruger Blackhawk .357 that a rancher in New Mexico keeps under the driver’s seat of his F250 work truck (loaded with 5 rounds instead of 6, of course) to deal with the odd coyote or to dispatch an injured cow critter -- that is a beater gun.
The old Marlin .30/30 that a deer hunter takes out on those snowy/rainy/muddy/icy/sleety (select one) days that he doesn’t want his shiny new walnut-stocked, Zeiss-topped Sako .280 to even know about, let alone be exposed to -- that is a beater gun.
The Remington Nylon 66 that a man stows in the bottom of his canoe to (hopefully) harvest a squirrel supper while on a river float/camping trip with his son -- that is a beater gun.
The Ruger P89 kept in a toolbox drawer in a one-man auto repair shop, collecting dust and assorted grime but still ready to defend its owner should the need ever arise -- that is a beater gun.
And the old Smith Airweight Bodyguard .38 that a young woman inherited from her police officer uncle and now stashes in the side pocket of her backpack whenever she goes hiking in the mountains -- that is a beater gun.
Beater guns are dependable instead of dainty, strong instead of shiny, functional instead of fancy, and earthy instead of eye-catching. You’ll never see a beater gun painted pink and lime green, unless you happen to spill your bubble gum-and-lime mix Slushee behind the seat of your pickup truck and on the old Savage .30/06 you keep stashed back there.
A beater gun MUST be reliable, rugged and reasonably accurate. A beater gun cannot be cheap junk (Lorcins and RG’s need not apply), but few of them ever begin life as top-end, high dollar status symbol “barbecue” guns, either. People brag on beater guns because they ‘take a lickin’ and keep on ticking’, not because they glisten glamorously behind the glass of a fancy oak display case.
Beater guns can bear any quality brand name, though some makes do seem to fill the bill more readily than others. Most any Ruger, Smith, Colt, Mossberg, Marlin, H&R, Taurus, Stevens, etc. can eventually graduate to beater gun status, but HKs, Benellis, Weatherbys, Brownings and the like, while top quality firearms, just don’t have much “beater gun cred”. A Ruger Blackhawk will black the eyes (cylinder holes) of a French-made Manhurin revolver, should you screw up and leave them in the same glove compartment.
Some might argue that Hi Points deserve beater gun status right out of the box, but let it be known that Hi Point’s application for membership in the BGSA (Beater Gun Society of America) is still pending, and has not been approved. Generally, the well-qualified beater gun will have at least ten years of solid service under its belt (or on someone else’s belt), and most will have a good deal more.
Beater guns can be inherited, they can be purchased as such, used, or they can be bought new and turned into beater guns over time. If a man creates his own beater from a brand new firearm, though, it should always be through honest hard use, never actual abuse or neglect. Too, whether a used gun is a true beater or not depends in large measure on the price you paid when you purchased it. Get a great deal on an old Smith Model 10 skinny barrel and it makes a fine beater gun. Pay too much for it and every scratch and scuff is just one more reminder of how you got screwed.
I think of beater guns as being sort of like junk yard dogs (or at least how junk yard dogs ought to be). They eat the cheap, discount-brand dog food, sleep out in the heat and in the cold, they ask for little and get even less, they never complain, and they still stand ready to bite some bad-guy booty should their masters ever need them to.
So give ‘em a break, k? Clean your beater guns today, and give ‘em a drop of two of good gun oil and a fresh magazineful of ammo. They may not look like much, but then, good friends don’t have to be beautiful.
Have you hugged YOUR beater gun today??
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