Lately I have gotten so sick and tired of constantly hearing people ask me why my wife doesn't work, after they find out we don't have kids, I just can't listen to it anymore and need to put a few things out there.
WHY MY WIFE DOESN'T WORK:
1.) The hamper is ALWAYS EMPTY!
2.) I can work any shift I want and it doesn't cause any issues because we can accommodate anything.
3.) The dog never has to "hold it" for 9 hours.
4.) The fridge is ALWAYS FULL, and the beer is always bought, racked, and cold!
5.) The cars are always washed and waxed.
6.) The tub, shower, sinks are always spotless.
7.) The floors are always vacuumed.
8.) We NEVER eat anything out of a can for dinner!
9.) The bed is always made with nice clean, crisp sheets every single night.
10.) The pool is always spotless, and the chlorine and PH are always perfect.
11.) The bills are always paid on time, and I NEVER have to be the one to deal with any of it.
12.) The banking and all financial matters are always taken care of without me ever having to worry.
13.) When I come home, painted on tight shorts or a micro mini, heels, and a glass of chilled wine await me. Not a Polyester "Hillary Clinton" pants suit, and a lot of bitching about the boss she hates.
14.) Doctor, dentist, and haircut appointments are always made for me well in advance, and all I have to do is simply show up.
15.) She is always home to receive any deliveries from UPS, Fed-X, or anyone else. Not to mention being there when any people come to work on the house, do landscaping, or clean, paint, or fix, ANYTHING.
16.) The mail is already opened, sorted, or taken care of. My new gun magazines are already cut out of the plastic, and by my chair, ready for reading.
17.) Any and ALL running around has been done. There is nothing left for me to do when the week ends. I can sit, chat, work on my guns or ammo, and she is right there by my side ready, willing, and able to help. Usually wearing some sort of damn sexy outfit to distract me.
All of this has been far worth it in my opinion. When I get home she comforts me. We don't "share" bull$h!t. I leave work and do not bring it home. Jobs are a dime a dozen. A beautiful stay at home wife isn't. She doesn't feel the need to "go out and roar". Helen Reddy can do that. My wife would rather stay at home and be with me. Personally, I think if more women did that, the divorce rate in this country would in fact plummet. I'm not saying "A woman's place is in the kitchen". I AM SAYING a wife who doesn't work, especially in todays give a $h!t world, is far happier. I know this to be a fact. None of the neighbor women want a damn thing to do with her. She doesn't work, has no kids, wears way too short of skirts and too much makeup, and "kisses her husband's a$$" too much. Now you know how and why I've got it made. My wife doesn't work for just anyone. She works for US! Rant over. Bill T.
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