Help Obama win the Heisman Trophy!

[ratcatcher55]

News Flash, this just in…

THE TEMPLE ON EARTH – Today it was announced that US President Barack H. Obama is the legendary Fifth Element.

The legend is that every five thousand years, in conjunction with a planetary alignment, a 'Great Evil' appears whose purpose is to destroy all life as we know it.  The only weapon capable of defeating the Great Evil, is a collection of four stones representing the Classical Elements (wind, earth fire and water) placed in a specific order in the Temple and combined with the heretofore unknown Fifth Element.

Today in the Temple, the four Classical Elements were united with Barack H. Obama.  An observer exclaimed, "When they united the four stones with the President a very intense light, it was a Divine Light I guess, emanated from his eyes and mouth!"

This Divine Light immediately defeated the Great Evil as well as solved world hunger, world poverty, climate change and all pestilence.  In addition, peace has come to Israelis and Palestinians, Iran has dismantled all nuclear facilities, Osama bin Laden surrendered and Al Qaida has become an ACORN affiliate.   

North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, was heard to say, “I have to hand it to Obama, all this time I thought it was me.”

President Obama said, “I always knew I was special so I’m not entirely surprised by the fact that I am the Fifth Element, but I am deeply humbled by the honor.”

Obama said he was working to end the war in Iraq and "to confront a ruthless adversary that directly threatens the American people and our allies" in Afghanistan.  He added, “I guess defeating the Great Evil kind of tops that, huh?”

In related news ABC just announced that President Barack H. Obama has won ABC’s Dancing with the Stars.

I've just blew beer out my nose! Keep them coming!

[tombogan03884]

News Flash, this just in…

THE TEMPLE ON EARTH – Today it was announced that US President Barack H. Obama is the legendary Fifth Element.

The legend is that every five thousand years, in conjunction with a planetary alignment, a 'Great Evil' appears whose purpose is to destroy all life as we know it.  The only weapon capable of defeating the Great Evil, is a collection of four stones representing the Classical Elements (wind, earth fire and water) placed in a specific order in the Temple and combined with the heretofore unknown Fifth Element.

Today in the Temple, the four Classical Elements were united with Barack H. Obama.  An observer exclaimed, "When they united the four stones with the President a very intense light, it was a Divine Light I guess, emanated from his eyes and mouth!"

This Divine Light immediately defeated the Great Evil as well as solved world hunger, world poverty, climate change and all pestilence.  In addition, peace has come to Israelis and Palestinians, Iran has dismantled all nuclear facilities, Osama bin Laden surrendered and Al Qaida has become an ACORN affiliate.  

North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, was heard to say, “I have to hand it to Obama, all this time I thought it was me.”

President Obama said, “I always knew I was special so I’m not entirely surprised by the fact that I am the Fifth Element, but I am deeply humbled by the honor.”

Obama said he was working to end the war in Iraq and "to confront a ruthless adversary that directly threatens the American people and our allies" in Afghanistan.  He added, “I guess defeating the Great Evil kind of tops that, huh?”

In related news ABC just announced that President Barack H. Obama has won ABC’s Dancing with the Stars.

Miracles are one thing , but I think even "the O" would be tested by that one.

[blackwolfe]

Now that is funny. Hell even Jimmy Carter actually DID something.
FQ13

Yeah, Hegave away the Panama Canal.

[WatchManUSA]

One more...This just in...

NEW YORK – In an unexpected announcement today Major League Baseball announced that US President, Barack H. Obama, is the combined National and American League’s 2009 through 2019 Cy Young, MVP, Batting Champion, Home Run Champion, RBI Champion, Closer of the year, Manager of the Year Rookie of the Year and Roberto Clemente Man of the Year.

In making the announcement Baseball Commissioner Allan Huber "Bud" Selig said, “We know that President Barack H. Obama doesn’t play baseball, hell he might not even like baseball.  However, if he did play baseball pro-ball I’m sure he would win all these awards.  We just wanted to get out in front on this one”

He added, “We might even extend these awards another 10 to 20 years but we don’t want to rush into that decision.  We will have to take it as it comes.  We are having a meeting on it next week.”

Mr. Selig also added at the press conference a surprise announcement, “In addition to the awards previously mentioned we will immediately induct President Obama into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY.”

President Obama was caught coming off the 18th green after playing a round of golf with North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il.  One reporter from Fox News asked Obama, “Aren’t you a little taken aback by these awards?”

President Obama said, “I love baseball, didn’t you see me throw that strike at the All-Star game in St. Louis this year?” 

Another Reporter asked, “Mr. President how was your golf game, today?”   Obama replied, “I beat Kim today, It was close but he finally shot a two on that last par five.”

In a related story, Mr. Selig said he would look into assertions that the Chicago White Sox actually won the American League’s Central Division. 

[Timothy]

I CAN'T BREATH ANYMORE......ROTF, SPEWING SPITTLE....

[Sponsor]

[blackwolfe]

I put this on another thread, but should have put it here.  I heard a  radio news story a few minutes ago in regards to bHo winning the NPP.   In the story bHo was refered to as the "global messiah".  I guess just one more of the many titles and awards bestowed on his greatness.

[Johnny Bravo]

Is that Celebrity Jeopardy or the regular one

eric.....you can really be funny at times and this IS one of the them. I laughed so hard I cried. You are on fire today. Geeez, I'm still laughing. Thank You so much.

[ericire12]

eric.....you can really be funny at times and this IS one of the them. I laughed so hard I cried. You are on fire today. Geeez, I'm still laughing. Thank You so much.

Watch as Wolf Blitzer gets his ass handed to him on celebrity jeopardy:
http://hotair.com/archives/2009/09/18/video-the-obligatory-wolf-blitzer-utterly-destroyed-on-celebrity-jeopardy-clip/

[Hazcat]

LOL!  Beat down by Andy Richter!

[PegLeg45]

BHO: "Um..ah...I'll, ah, take.....uh....'What am I going to win next......for.....ah...2000, Alex."