Maybe I left it out of the podcast...anyhow, I have am OFFENSIVE DAVE SKINNER STORY!
I mean it...this is offensive. If you are remotely religious, or have even the sensibility of a stainless steel refrigerator, this will offend you like a teddy bear named Mohammed. DO NOT READ the next few paragraphs. Really, I mean it...it's offensive. It hits all the buttons. DO NOT READ THIS STUFF. Honest. I'd like to apologize in advance. Lock your children in the tornado shelter. DO NOT READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPHS!!!! I mean it...
OKAY, if you must...
Skinner and I are in line at the St. Louis airport after a big USPSA match. We've both got guns...lots of guns. So he sets his caseon the scales and says, with his big, patented smile, "I'd like to declare some firearms." Over walked the Ugliest Woman In The World...I am not joking here. This woman is the Wicked Witch of the West mated with Shrek. Her hair is long and grey and stringy like a for-real Wicked Witch, and she has — I swear! — a huge mole on her face. She is wearing what appears to be a yak-skin tent and sensible shoes.
"I hate guns," Wicked Witch says.
Skinner, pouring on the Texas charm, says, "Yes m'am, but I still need to declare them."
She lumbers over and slams down a red declaration slip.
"When Jesus comes," she says, "No one will need guns..."
I step forward. "Excuse me, m'am," I say. "When..."
Before I can say another word, Skinner slaps his hand over my mouth. I am still talking and gesturing with my hands.
"Excuse my friend," Skinner says smoothly. "He has Tourette's Syndrome." He then leads me away from the counter, hand over my mouth. So we're standing in the security line, and Skinner says, "Okay...what were you doing to say?"
"I was going to say, when Jesus... CENSORED!"
"I was right," Skinner says. "We'd never get on the freakin' plane!"
Michael B