Classic joke thread...

[Bic]

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.







"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.   
See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"





"Very good," said her mother.





"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.





"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.





... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.   See?   A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"





"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.





"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"





"Yes, it's because you're blonde."





The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
  "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.






 





               .





"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.





"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"





"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

[PegLeg45]

 

[billt]

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

 Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

 Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

[PegLeg45]

Obamacare definitely falls into the "classic joke" thread.........

[Solus]

Inspired of the YouTube I posted in another thread, I am putting a Bob Newhart selection here....and will do more soon.

From the album The Button Down Mind of Bob Newhart


http://www.amazon.com/Button-Down-Mind-Bob-Newhart/dp/B002UPQ23W

[Sponsor]

[Majer]

A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini.
"Dry?" asks the bartender.
"The German replies "Nein, just one."


A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asked the bartender.
the Roman says "If I wanted a double, I would have ordered one."

[jaybet]

Nice!

[PegLeg45]

 

[santahog]

Inspired of the YouTube I posted in another thread, I am putting a Bob Newhart selection here....and will do more soon.

From the album The Button Down Mind of Bob Newhart


http://www.amazon.com/Button-Down-Mind-Bob-Newhart/dp/B002UPQ23W

I had this one when I was a kid. It was my #2 after Brother Dave Gardner for me..

[Majer]

A man enters his local bar holding a frog and an iguana. He sets them down on the bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1000 that my frog here can sing any song you can think of." "Ok," says the bartender. "How 'bout 'Blue Moon'?" The man whispers something to the frog, and the frog starts singing blue moon. "That's amazing," says the bartender as he slaps down $1000. "I'll bet ya another $1000 that my iguana here can do that to." "Ok, I can believe a frog, but not an iguana. You're on. Have him sing the Star Spangled Banner." The man whispers something to the iguana and it sings the Star Spangled Banner. As the bartender hands over another $1000, a businessman comes up and says, "I just saw that and I was amazed. I want to buy your iguana for $100,000." The man said ok, and he exchanged the iguana for the money and the businessman left. The bartender said "What are you nuts?! You could have made millions with that iguana!" The man said "Oh, the iguana can't sing.
The frog's a ventriloquist."