Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

> A Boston Red Sox fan, a Chicago Cubs fan and a NY Yankees fan were all in
> Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army.
>
> While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of
> a
> sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of
> alcohol is a sever offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they
> were sentenced to death!
>
> With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their
> sentence down to life imprisonment.
>
> By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be
> released
> after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip.
>
> As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st
> wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one
> wish before your
whipping".
>
> The cubs fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about
> this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was
> done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
> The
> cubs fan was carried away bleeding and crying.
>
> The Yankees fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself),
> and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back."
> But
> even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through
> again,
> sending the Yankee fan crying like a baby.
>
> The Red Sox fan was the last up ( he had finished off the crate- given his
> allegiance, who could blame him), but before he could say anything, the
> Sheik turned to him and said "you support the greatest baseball team in
> the
> world, your supporters are the
best and most loyal fans in all the world.
> For this you may have 2 wishes"
>
> "Thanks, your most royal highness'" the Red Sox fan replied.
>
> "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
> 20,
> but 100 lashes".
>
> "Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave,"
> said
> the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your
> second
> wish? What is it to be?" the Shiek asks..
>
> To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."
>





OK it is funny, but I am still a Yankee fan. 

[ellis4538]

Bill, two jokes for the price of one!

Richard

PS:  Member of the Yankee/Phillies farm system fan club...now that's a JOKE!

[tombogan03884]

Dear Tide:


I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my forties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were inconclusive and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go. Have to write to the

Hefty bag people.

[tombogan03884]

This is an exercise to help prevent Alzheimer's.
READ THE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY
then do what it says. How many tries to get 1005 ?  

http://www.humorsphere.com/fun/8787/colortest.swf

[david86440]

This is an exercise to help prevent Alzheimer's.
READ THE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY
then do what it says. How many tries to get 1005 ?  

http://www.humorsphere.com/fun/8787/colortest.swf

100% first try.

[Sponsor]

[philw]

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fc9_1179219135

[Bill Stryker]

Stranded

 

 A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around,
he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.


After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling..
 
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi .

That evening, the man brought  Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again..

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to  Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

 

[Jackel]

100% first try.

same. try this out:

http://recruit.flashpointgame.com/

[Jackel]

"god, the whole cell phone thing while driving is just getting stupid. i was driving behing this one woman on the highway, she was stopping and starting and barley staying in the lane. God, i must have spilled my beer THREE times following that lady."

larry the cable guy

[PegLeg45]