Classic joke thread...

[tombogan03884]

THE REPUBLICAN FISHERMAN
 
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She
 lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
 
She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me?
 I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
 but I don't know where I am.'
 
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're
 in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground
 elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31
 degrees,14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees,
 49.09minutes west longitude.'
 
She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican.'
 
'I am,'replied th e man. 'How did you know?'
 
'Well,'answered the balloonist , ' everything you told me is
 technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your
 information,and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been
 much help to me.'
 
The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Democrat.'
 
'I am,'replied the balloonist. ' How did you know?'
 
'Well,'said the man, 'you don't know where you are or
 where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due
 to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you
 have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve
 your problem. You're in exactly the same position you
 were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.'

Wheres the joke ?       

[gunman1911]

Well I figured its time to make the call,so I dialed the number on the T.V. to J.G. Wentworth and told them "Its my money and I need it now!" So they asked me what structured settlement was it I wanted to cash in on?...Social Security. The bastards hung up!

[Pathfinder]

Well I figured its time to make the call,so I dialed the number on the T.V. to J.G. Wentworth and told them "Its my money and I need it now!" So they asked me what structured settlement was it I wanted to cash in on?...Social Security. The bastards hung up!

Seriously, LMAO!!!!!!       

I wish I had thought of that.

[tombogan03884]

Well I figured its time to make the call,so I dialed the number on the T.V. to J.G. Wentworth and told them "Its my money and I need it now!" So they asked me what structured settlement was it I wanted to cash in on?...Social Security. The bastards hung up!

They may have hung up, but I bet it makes the company news letter   

[Teresa Heilevang]

A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.

'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher.

'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike in trade for it?'

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'

The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.

The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.'

The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.'

The preacher said, I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.'

The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya."

 

 

[Sponsor]

[Hazcat]

This will make your cat hide!

Hang in there it gets good  (?) at the 1:05 mark.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwkwC-eoknA&feature=related

[1Buckshot]

Looking good mashal'ette.   

Haz cat , You have to much time on your hand's.

[Neon Knight Anubis]

My ears.....are in pain. 

[Teresa Heilevang]

The 3 stages of a mans life.

Single




Married



Divorced



ANY QUESTIONS?

[jerry]

Good one Ms M.