Classic joke thread...

[tombogan03884]

Two American tourists are driving through Wales. They decide to stop for a bite to eat in the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogo-
gogoch.

Baffled by the name, one of them turns to a local and asks, “Would you please say where we are—very slowly?”

The Welshman leans over and says, very slowly, “Burrr-gerrr Kinngg.”

[Solus]

This technically advanced age of ours, just goes to show communications between spouses is still important !
 
Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:   "Windows frozen, won't open."
 
Husband texts back:   "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
 
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:   "Computer really screwed up now!"

[ellis4538]

Hot Coffee
 
Gotta love those grandkids.
 
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter
 and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?".
 
Without skipping a beat she said, "It's President's Day!".
 
She's smart, so I asked her "What does President's Day mean?".
 
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc.
 
She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps
 out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have
 4 more years of Bull S---."
 
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

[GASPASSERDELUXE]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Xoe5Vjl90-o

Laught your ass off.

[tombogan03884]

I'm already heading for the corner but I couldn't resist this one !

A new term known as 'Lesbionics'....


 1. What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?
 A licker cabinet

 2 What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
 A Klondyke
 3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
 Militia Etheridge

 4. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
 Fur Traders.

 5. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
 Well Hung.

 6. What do you call lesbian twins?
 Lick-a-likes.

 7. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
 One's a snack cracker; the other's a crack snacker.

 8. What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 FEDERAL or STATE workers?
 100 people that don't do Dick.

[Sponsor]

[PegLeg45]

I'm already heading for the corner but I couldn't resist this one !

A new term known as 'Lesbionics'....


 1. What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?
 A licker cabinet

 2 What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
 A Klondyke
 3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
 Militia Etheridge

 4. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
 Fur Traders.

 5. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
 Well Hung.

 6. What do you call lesbian twins?
 Lick-a-likes.

 7. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
 One's a snack cracker; the other's a crack snacker.

 8. What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 FEDERAL or STATE workers?
 100 people that don't do Dick.

Don't forget about the two species of dinosaurs that were unearthed recently at a dig near San Francisco, and believed to have been of the Lesbanus Lizardus variety..... one was called the Lictalottapuss and the other is called the Liketalickdapuss.

[Majer]

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo.

On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, “I’m a big believer in barter, big boy.
Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?”

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded……”Well, just what kind of ammo have you got to trade?”

[Solus]

Women in Leather Dresses
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? ?
Do you know that when a woman wears
a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry ,
he gets weak in the knees,
and he thinks irrationally ?
Ever wonder why?


It's because she smells
like a
New Truck!

[gunman42782]

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth,






and Putin all die and go to hell.



 






While there, they spy a red phoneand ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is






for calling back to Earth.






Putin asks to call Russia






and talks for 5 minutes.






When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.







Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.






When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.







Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.  When He is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.


 






When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies,






"Since Obama took over,






the country has gone to hell,






so it's a local call."





 

[PegLeg45]

Women in Leather Dresses
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? ?
Do you know that when a woman wears
a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry ,
he gets weak in the knees,
and he thinks irrationally ?
Ever wonder why?


It's because she smells
like a
New Truck Holster!

FIFY.