Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

Jeff Gordon fires entire pit crew[/size]
 
This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.
 
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.  It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most races are won or lost in the pits.  However, Gordon got more than he bargained for!
 
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the Vin number, and sold the car to Dale Jr. For 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

[philw]

Keyboard warning



Marriage is like drinking a Slurpee


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmD_Y-P-GPs





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrbzMyNbxIo&feature=related

[Steyr M40A1]

Jeff Dunham is very funny!!

Here goes my funny I pilfered off www.steyrclub.com





 START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK...

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6.. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!

[tombogan03884]

Jeff Dunham is very funny!!

Here goes my funny I pilfered off www.steyrclub.com





 START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK...

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6.. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!

BAD CHOICE OF WORDS !!!!! The thought of "doing Nancy Pelosi" made me gag   

[PegLeg45]

BAD CHOICE OF WORDS !!!!! The thought of "doing Nancy Pelosi" made me gag   

Yeah...talk about way up on the list of "things that make you go yeeeeeech!!!!!".........

[Sponsor]

[tt11758]

BAD CHOICE OF WORDS !!!!! The thought of "doing Nancy Pelosi" made me gag   

Yeah, I too threw up a little in my mouth at that mental image.

[True_Texan]

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!

Yeah, I too threw up a little in my mouth at that mental image.

Just a little? Steyer, you owe me a new freaking keyboard... The beer and beef jerky I was eating earlier have wrecked my stuff! Think I need to change my drawers too. That was a violent upheaval.

[PegLeg45]

Either one of the royals farted........or he heard about the Pelosi thing too........

[MikeBjerum]

Will I Live to see 80?


Here's something to think about.


I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.


A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'


He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'


'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'


Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?


'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'


'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'


'No, I don't,' I said.


He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'


'No,' I said


He looked at me and said,...... 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

[MikeBjerum]

It was time to trade trucks, so I bought a new Ford F150.
But I had to return it to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the
radio to work.
The service rep explained that the radio was voice activated.
"Nelson," the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, "Ricky or
Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came out of the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced
Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,
"Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music.
And if I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guys ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I
swerved in time to barely avoid them.
Instinctively I screamed out:  " Ass Holes! "
 
 
Immediately the Iranian National Anthem began to play:
sung by Jane Fonda and Barbra Streisand;
backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks;
with John Kerry on guitar;
Al Gore on drums;
Dan Rather on harmonica;
Nancy Pelosi on tambourine;
Harry Reid on spoons;
Bill Clinton on sax;
and Ted Kennedy On Scotch.
 
I LOVE this truck!