Classic joke thread...

[Hazcat]

Hell hath no furry like a woman's scorn.

My Momma always used DIPLOMACY

Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way they look forward to the trip. 

That's the military definition of 'tact'. 

[MinotBob]

Why wedding dresses are white....

IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!

IT'S AN EVEN BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT

Son asked his mother the following question:

'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:

'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
"Son, all household appliances come in white.'"

[Jackel]

so a teacher is trying to ease into the subject of sex with her grade students. she asks if anyone had seen anything about sex.

one girl raised her hand and said she saw a movie about a woman having a baby. "good, that has lots to do with sex."

another girl raised her hand and said she saw a TV show about people getting married. "well done, thats had to do with sex also."

a boy raised his hand and said he once saw a film where a hundred savage Indians come riding over a hill and John Wayne kills half of them. "that really doesn't have anything to do with sex billy." said the teacher. "yes it dose." said the boy "it taught those Indians not to f..k with John Wayne."

[tombogan03884]

 What color was the Ground at Custer's last Stand ?

White, cuz those damn Indians just kept coming and coming.

I'll be in the corner if any one is looking for me, hope  FQ didn't drink all the beer. 

[david86440]

What color was the Ground at Custer's last Stand ?

White, cuz those damn Indians just kept coming and coming.

I'll be in the corner if any one is looking for me, hope  FQ didn't drink all the beer. 

How cum?

[Sponsor]

[1911 Junkie]

The curator of a Western art museum commissioned a local artist to paint a mural-sized painting of Custer's Last Thought. The artist was told to make it highly symbolic of Custer's mindset during the debacle at the Little Big Horn.

Deep in thought, the artist went to his studio. After many false starts, he proceeded to paint an enormous oil painting. Finally, after many months of work, the painting was unveiled for the curator.

In the foreground there was a beautiful blue lake with a single fish leaping out of the water. Around the fish's head was a halo. In the background, the hills and meadows were covered with naked Native American couples having sex.

The curator, both disgusted and baffled by what he saw, turned in rage and asked the artist, 'What the hell has this got to do with Custer's Last Thought?'

The artist replied, 'Custer's last thought: Holy Mackerel! Where did all these f%#king Indians come from?'

[PegLeg45]

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best Friends.
None of them knew anything about it.


Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

[sanjuancb]

so a teacher is trying to ease into the subject of sex with her grade students. she asks if anyone had seen anything about sex.

one girl raised her hand and said she saw a movie about a woman having a baby. "good, that has lots to do with sex."

another girl raised her hand and said she saw a TV show about people getting married. "well done, thats had to do with sex also."

a boy raised his hand and said he once saw a film where a hundred savage Indians come riding over a hill and John Wayne kills half of them. "that really doesn't have anything to do with sex billy." said the teacher. "yes it dose." said the boy "it taught those Indians not to f..k with John Wayne."

I love this! Bwahahahaha...

[MikeBjerum]

The woman applying for a job in a
Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said,
"I have to ask you this:
"Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama.

[TAB]

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late…

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John...

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school..."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John.. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"



The robot then walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair!