Classic joke thread...

[ellis4538]

No Path, without ESP she just thinks she knows everything!!!!!!!

Richard

[Pathfinder]

No Path, without ESP she just thinks she knows everything!!!!!!!

Richard

And the difference is . . . . ? 

[PegLeg45]

There's a positive side to Cash for Clunkers............

It's taken seven hundred thousand (700,000) Obama bumper stickers off the road!

[PegLeg45]

The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing....

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently, you have to go there....

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

[tt11758]

No Path, without ESP she just thinks she knows everything!!!!!!!

Richard

I knew I had married "Miss Right", I was just unaware that her first name was "Always".

[Sponsor]

[True_Texan]

Visit To The Welfare Office
 

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
 
'WOW!' the social worker exclaims. 'Are they all yours?''

'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, 'Sit down Leroy' All the children rush to find seats.

'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'

'Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy' and the girls are all named 'Leighroy''

In disbelief, the case worker. 'Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?'

Their momma replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an they all comes a runnin.

An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

'Well, then I calls them by their last names '

[Teresa Heilevang]

Watch it Path!  M'ette said she has been out of touch lately and a little busy now.  She didn't say she wasn't around or not coming back 

Don't underestimate when I'm here and why.....................in fact.. don't ever underestimate me in any area.. 

[mudman]

And stay out of  RANGE.

[tt11758]

Don't underestimate when I'm here and why.....................in fact.. don't ever underestimate me in any area.. 

Lest she should call you when you're in the middle of a meeting.   

[Steyr M40A1]

Hell hath no furry like a woman's scorn.

My Momma always used DIPLOMACY

Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way they look forward to the trip.