Prayer for my family

[crusader rabbit]

Hey Brett...  The Good Book tells us that God never gives us burdens greater than we can bear.  But it doesn't say they won't feel like they are too heavy for us.  Know this, my friend:  You have a bunch of folk right here that will help you carry that load.  And every day you make it through will make you a little stronger until that burden just doesn't feel so heavy anymore.  It may not feel like that now, but I promise you, that day will come.

Many of us have shared similar tragedies in our lives--and the death of a marriage is certainly a tragedy.  But by showing your strength to your kids, you will all emerge from this as stronger, better, more capable people. And your kids will have a great example of how to handle grief. 

You are in my prayers. 

Crusader

[m25operator]

Brett, hang in there, M'lette, showed you her true colors, and as Crusader said, God won't give us more than  we can bear, but as Sister Teresa, ( not M"lette ) said, I wish he did not trust me so much. Now that things are on the path and there is nothing you can do to stop it, take a step back, make your plan, and go forward. My wife nearly died 5 yrs ago, now is still permanently disabled, for over 6 months, we had to grind her food, help her to the bathroom, and bathe her. Do physical therapy and help her through it. I still went to work, but took my lunches and afterwork at the hospital, used the spare time, to prepare the house for someone that needs a walker or wheel chair to get around, took her to her parents everyday in the am, and picked her up every night to go home.The point is attitude, once you know the worst, now you can prepare for it, it might be hard, but now you know there are no crutches, just doing, and we are here for the doing. You are not here, so me nor my wife can baby sit, but would if we could.

Be strong, and ( sounds weird ) Happy, you have the kiddo's, and your ex does not, think it backward, if your ex got the kids, then you would be thinking about them all the time, whether they were being treated right, now YOU know. Sorry you are going through it, but you have good times to come in spades.

God bless ( We can say that on DRTV ) TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US. ITS FREE.

[1911 Junkie]

Things are really bad here but today I cried tears for a different reason. I received a card in the mail from Shooter32. Thank you so much, I really needed it.

My Wife told me I could have full custody of the kids and now she changed her mind. Her mom and dad got involved and pushing her for joint custody. Joint custody meaning that the kids will be at her convenience and she can come and go as she pleases. She wants all the perks of having the kids without the responsibility. All she cares about is Facebook and going out and pushes the kids off on her family when she has them. I can't bear the thought of having my kids be with anyone who really doesn't care. I have to know that my kids are cared for in the way they deserve. I don't want them bounced around several times a week. I really don't know what to do. I can fight for full custody but will not get it with the way the courts are set up. I will be a babysitter for her and give her the life she wants despite the affects on the kids. I also don't have family here to help me so I would have to use her or her family (if they would even do that for me) to watch the kids while I work.

I am really tempted to just leave. I'll take the kids every summer and alternating Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas. My parents live in Alabama and that would make it easier for me when I have them. I don't know if I'm being selfish or if this is something I will have to do for self preservation.

I pray to god everyday to give me the strength to deal with this and that he will give me guidance to do what is best for my kids. I love them so much and anything but the best is unacceptable to me. I have spent the last 10yrs devoted to my wife and the last 5yrs devoted to my wife and kids. Knowing I would have the kids is what has really kept me going.

I feel lost and that I am fighting a losing battle.

Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers (and keep them up),

Brett

[Pathfinder]

Brett - Hang in there for your own sake as well as the kids. You know their Mom, do not leave them with her. It is clear you love them, be there for them. It is tough, I know, but get your lawyer to play serious hardball with her.

FWIW, around here and in Illinois, joint custody means you share expenses. Residential custody means one of you only gets them every other weekend only, and maybe a Wednesday night in between. That's it. Make it her that gets them so infrequently.

Good luck my brother, and keep your strength.

[MikeBjerum]

Brett,

I can give you the magic answer or take the pain and struggles away.  All I can tell you is that as hard as it is you need to fight the good fight for the good of the children.  If she is willing and capable of being a good mother, she should have a chance, but if she is playing the typical "want control over your life" and finances from you just so she can leave them with her folks and party she doesn't deserve them.

Keep your focus on what is best for all, and fight that fight for their well being.

Take care of yourself while you are at it!

[Sponsor]

[1911 Junkie]

After some praying and soul searching I think I have found my answer.

Yes, my wife wants to be controlling. She wants to dictate where I live, what I do and how I do it. She is capable of being a good mother but until she gets herself straightened out, she is not willing.

I like my life here. I have a lot of friends, a good job I've had for 10yrs, get 4 weeks vacation and have 400hrs sick time. I really don't want to start over again.

I need my kids as much as they need me. If they are going to have a chance I need to be in their lives as much as possible.

I do have to sell the house but I want to stay in the same school district. I like it. It isn't where she wants me to be but I think I can win that fight. The kids christian school is close by and I really like it also. They only go to 8th grade but finances permitting I would want them to go there as long as possible.

I feel like the Lord has breathed some new life into me.

Thanks for listening,

Brett

[GUNS-R-US]

Hey Brett hang in there, we're with you! I implore you to fight for your kids if you have the means to do it! I don't care what you think the courts are like but if you don't try you won't know for sure. I'll tell you a short story. My younger brother divorced his wife in 02', they had 3 kids together. She was and still is a bit of a nut, but she managed to convince my brother to split the children up. My brother got the oldest boy, she got the two younger kids. Immediately after the divorce was final she moved over 1200miles away. After some problems occurred with the kids and her new live-in boyfriend, my brother finally decided to fight for the kids. After a 3 year custody battle in court the result was nothing! The judges final decision was the original decree would stand. The Judge said he couldn't prove imminent danger to the kids so like it or not he was stuck to what he originally agreed to. When I asked him why he didn't fight for them in the first place? He told me it was because he was afraid of loosing all of them in court and one was better than none. Hind site being 20/20 he was very wrong! If he would have fought her for custody, he probably would have won. I also have three coworkers who have won full custody of their kids, so I know we men folk can prevail in today's court system. And I think her family would be willing to pitch if you have custody, because they would probably like to see them! In most states Grand parents don't have any rights to your kids. So it's up to the parents if they want to allow them visitation. Your state could be different but I doubt it. Regardless of what you decide, know that you and you kids are in our thoughts and prayers!

[ellis4538]

Brett, not fun where kids are concerned!  Continued thoughts and prayers go with you.

God Bless,

Richard

[Solus]

Brett,

Just a thought.

Her mom and dad likely got involved because they worried about losing their grand kids.

Perhaps you can work with them.  Let them know you hope they will be involved with the kids and hope you will be able to count on them for help and assistance where the kids are involved.

If they love your kids, you don't want to lose them, both for your kids sake and for the support you will need.

Let them know that what differences you and their daughter have, you intend to not let it interfere with their relationship with their grand kids. 

Your wife might also be trying for joint custody so that she is not financially responsible for paying you child support (if it works that way in your state).  Perhaps letting her know you will not be petitioning for support (if indeed you will not) might make her feel it will be easier for you to have custody.  This with the support and trust of her parents might influence things.

Take care.

Vince

[Rastus]

Very wise Solus...very wise.