Im going crazy, need advice.

[tt11758]

Medic, I can't really add anything to what has already been said, but I do want to strongly urge you to take the advice to talk to somebody about this.  Otherwise it will eat you up from the inside out.

Prayers are with you, my friend.  If there is ANYTHING we can do, please let us know.

[blackwolfe]

My condolences to you, your sister, your father and the rest of your family.  I'm not an expert, but i believe a lot of what you are going through are "normal" reactions to a tragic situation.  Like others have said you should have someone you trust to be able to talk to.  Faith based in my opinion is the best way to go.  Whether that be a minister, a church friend, etc.  Having a good church family can help tremendously in times like this and other times as well.  Your father and sister are probably having their difficulties as well even if it doesn't show.  They may or may not want to share their thoughts as well.

[Mericet]

I am really sad to hear about your and your families' loss. There is some very good advice already given. You are reaching out and that is good and definitely better than keeping it inside. If you can not find someone, let me know. I have a friend (in Iowa) that has done post trauma counselling for a lot of people and might know someone in your area that might be able to help.

On a more personal note, I am going through a separation right now and I have found it very helpful to speak with a counselor about my feelings and emotions.

[crusader rabbit]

Please accept my condolences, too. 

There is no way to paint your experience as anything but tragic, awful, terrible.  It is most likely the worst thing you will ever go through. 

But, you will get through this. 

Many here have suggested pastoral counseling and that is certainly an important option. If you have a minister, seek his guidance and prayerful support.

If you are not "religious," seek out a licensed psychological therapist.  At the least, you would want to find one with a Master's degree.  A full PhD would probably be better.  Check your local phone book and don't be afraid to interview several.  Your need is to find someone with whom you can open up.  Trying to force a therapeutic relationship with someone you don't "click" with will simply add to the stress you are feeling right now.  I would, however, recommend that you stay with the "psychologists" and away from the "psychiatrists."  Psychiatrists are often more reliant on drug therapies rather than interpersonal therapies.  Reliance on drugs can be as problematic as reliance on booze and should, IMHO, be avoided.

Without putting too fine a point on it, and recognizing that I am not trying to make a diagnosis from a distance, you are currently experiencing a form of PTSD. 

If you are a military veteran, check with your local VA.  The VA has been forced to explore many new avenues in the treatment of PTSD and they may be able to assign you to a therapist with tremendous resources to help you get through this.  If you are not ex-military, I am certain you will find similarly experienced therapists in the civilian world.

Finally, explore any and every avenue that has been suggested here.  And, to quote a little scripture, this too shall pass. 

Crusader Rabbit

[jnevis]

Prayers in a difficult time.

Ask your department for the Crisis Intervention Team rep.  Most Fire/EMS depts SHOULD have one, for exactly these types of situations.  It may be part of the PD.  We have a couple people trained for it but use the Sheriff's CIT also.

[Sponsor]

[PegLeg45]

I can't add to the advice already given, as I would just be repeating what has been said, but I do offer you and your loved ones my sincerest condolences, sympathies, and prayers.

[dipisc]

Hi;

     You are reaching out for understanding, and that is the first step in dealing with your loss. At the scene - you had co-workers/friends that reached out to you to help you. Talk to them and let them know how much you appreciated their help. Let them know what you are going through.

     As a professional - you know how to get through responding to a call on people you may or may not know and you can deal with it. This time the call was as close as it can get - it was family. A piece of you was dead and/or dying and you were not ready to deal with it like other times.

     You have to take it 1 hour,1day,1 week at a time and talk to your family and friends. They care about you and will be willing to listen and help all that they can. We always expect Mom and Dad to always be there - when they are gone - you loose a part of yourself - and this is normal. Take it slow and a step at a time. You are starting to understand the value of a good life in a way you never saw before.

[Magoo541]

I can't add to the advice already given, as I would just be repeating what has been said, but I do offer you and your loved ones my sincerest condolences, sympathies, and prayers.

+1

My son at age 9 crawled into bed with his mom, who had OD'ed on Rx the night before.  11 years later and he is still struggles with it from time to time.  God bless.

[sksmedic]

Thanks for the advice guys.

[Dakotaranger]

I'm all for seeing someone.  The 'liquid solution' will only compound the problem and your mom would never want that for you.  Definitely talk to someone seek PTSD treatment.  It is the biggest regret of my life looking back that I didn't work things out after dad was killed and took me longer on my own than should of and with scars that I wouldn't be bearing if I had. 

I'm sorry for your loss.