Sorry about the carjacking and the impact it has had on your wife. You are absolutely correct in taking care of her - family always comes first.
I haven't been to San Jose in eons, went there back in the 90's for a tech conference, no problems then.
BUY, having driven in Chicago most of my adult life, I learned some basic skills in defensive driving. Nothing will help when a guy comes off the Ryan onto the Eisenhower in Chicago doing about 90 (at 10PM) and cuts across all lanes of traffic to make an exit, as happened to me. I managed to miss him cuz in urban situations I keep my head on a constant swivel and I saw him coming and slowed down.
That said, I also stop at lights and signs with an car length in front of me. I find my self doing that in Savannah too as it is getting a might feisty these days. It really sucks to be in my 70s and still have to do this kind of nonsense, but I will keep me and my wife safe.
As for getting cut off front and back, I'm with those advocating hitting the car behind as hard as possible to gain maneuvering room. And running over the perps if they're in the way