Have you explored revolvers? As everyone has said, bigger is better than smaller, but what you will actually carry is what matters. Better a .22 in the purse than a .44 magnum in the dresser drawer. Still, if 9mm recoil (my personal minimum defensive caliber, your mileage may vary) is a problem, try a .38 revolver. The Smith J frame is a classic for a reason and the Ruger LCR looks good, and Taurus makes some good guns. The thing is, that at least to me, the felt recoil of a revolver is less than a pistol. The noise is worse, but the recoil seems lighter. Have her practice with light .38s and load with a +P JHP for SD. Just a thought.
FQ13