Classic joke thread...

[billt]

Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.
Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
 
We all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary Meal" consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.
Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket." It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.

[sledgemeister]

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.



On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.



The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"



"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"



"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"


"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"



Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.



"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."



"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"



"Why, eat it! Of course You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"



Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.



While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.


"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"



Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"



"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"


"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"



Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.


"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said.



As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.



"What are you doing Sister?"



"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner."



"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"



"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."



"Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!"



"Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."



On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect.
The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.



The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.



The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"



"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.



"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.



The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!"



The new Bishop looked around at each of them.



A big smile crept across his face as he said,


"You Fuckers are my kind of people!"

[Magoo541]

"You Fuckers are my kind of people!"

DRTV, 'nuff said 

[sledgemeister]

Right Click on the link and open in new window
I wish I was 6ft 7 now!!
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/623607/%3Ab%3A/Farting%20on%20Mexican%20Kid.png

[santahog]

You forgot the link..

[Sponsor]

[twyacht]

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah  when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and  unconscious.
    On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a  similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert, and  as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the  injured Marine what had happened.
    The Marine reported, "I was heavily  armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily  armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along  the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum  bag who got what he deserved. He yelled back that Barack Obama is a  lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an  American!”
    So then I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a  frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well,  so does Nancy Pelosi !"
     
    "And, there we were, in the middle of the road,  shaking hands, when a truck hit  us!"

 

[tombogan03884]

Subj: Public Service Announcement
 

                Public Service Announcement

                There is less than a year until the election, an election that will
                decide the next President of the United States..

    The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just
    the Democrats or the Republicans.

    To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show
    each other our support for the candidate of our choice.

    It's time that we come together, Democrats, Independents, and Republicans alike.
    If you support the policies and character of the Republican party,
    please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support Obama, please drive with your headlights off at night.

[sledgemeister]

You forgot the link..

Try now!

[billt]

A man and a woman who had never met  before,
But who were both married to other  people,
found themselves assigned to the same  sleeping
room on a trans-continental  train.

Though  initially embarrassed and uneasy over
sharing a room, they were both very tired  and
fell asleep quickly, he in the upper  berth
and she in the  lower.

 At 1:00 AM, the man leaned  down and gently woke
the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm  sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach  into the closet
to get me a second  blanket?  I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for  tonight,
let's pretend that we're  married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he  exclaimed.

"Good", she replied "Get  your own f….ing blanket."

After a moment of  silence,
he farted.

[tombogan03884]

Billt deserves this one after the groaner he posted  

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a
gorgeous Blonde sitting at the next table..He had been checking
her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . ..





Wait for it .. .....





It's coming .... .....




The suspense is killing you, isn't it?






She said ... ..:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'