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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1377690 times)

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1830 on: May 06, 2009, 06:04:53 PM »
President Obama took a tour of Alabama, and when he returned to the White House he had a Razor Back Hog under each arm.

The Marine at the door snapped to attention and saluted him saying "Nice pigs sir!"

The President said "These aren't just any pigs, they're Razor Backs.  I got one for Mrs. Pelosi and one for Mrs. Clinton."

To which the Marine snapped another much crisper salute and shouted "Nice trade Sir!!!"
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Hazcat

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1831 on: May 08, 2009, 11:57:20 AM »
Moose Sex

Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says: "Did you know that moose
have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
 
"Aw shit...," says his friend,
"and I just joined the VFW!"
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tt11758

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1832 on: May 08, 2009, 05:10:36 PM »
Quote from: Hazcat on May 08, 2009, 11:57:20 AM
Moose Sex

Two guys are drinking in a bar.

One says: "Did you know that moose
have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
 
"Aw shit...," says his friend,
"and I just joined the VFW!"


I don't care WHO you are, that's funny right THERE!!!   lmao
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1833 on: May 10, 2009, 05:54:44 PM »
Redneck Fire Alarm! 

WE have three of these and the great thing is you never have to remember to change the battery.
 

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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Hazcat

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1834 on: May 10, 2009, 06:35:46 PM »
LOL!

Dayum!  I haven't seen JiffyPop in years!
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Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1835 on: Today at 09:55:01 PM »
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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1835 on: May 11, 2009, 01:29:57 PM »
Men's perspective About Wives:


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1836 on: May 11, 2009, 01:32:55 PM »
Always expect the unexpected.........

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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

ericire12

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1837 on: May 11, 2009, 03:23:18 PM »
Jokes you'll never hear at a White House Correspondents' Association Dinner

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=97688

Quote
"Sorry I'm late … Louis Caldera was my cabbie and he thought it would be a good idea to drive me by the Statue of Liberty for a photo-op."

"Incidentally, Caldera was also going to be the person who ordered the Navy SEALS to rescue Captain Phillips from the Somali pirates if that had turned out badly."

"In an effort to ensure that any terror suspects killed under orders of the administration is completely legal in the eyes of the president, 'killed terrorists' will now be referred to as 'really late-term abortions.'"

"The White House says that the president had no prior knowledge of that 747 buzzing of Manhattan. Is it really a good idea to entrust our national security to somebody who can't even install The Club on his own jet?"

"This isn't the first time Barack Obama has denied any knowledge of a New York City buzz – the first being the time he smoked a joint with William Ayers at '21.'"

"And I don't know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing that a White House aide can scramble F-16s without anybody else knowing about it. This way, if a war breaks out while Obama's teleprompter is unplugged, somebody can still order planes to bomb New York to appease an enemy like at the end of Fail-Safe."

"If you're wondering why the president is in a good mood, it's because he's glad to be finished with his annual physical. During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps."

"Last evening I took a walk through the cemetery – or as ACORN calls it, a 'recruiting trip.'"

"Things are getting weirder and weirder. Barack Obama is now running an auto company, and this morning I read that Lee Iacocca is taking over control of the Black Panthers."

"President Obama said he's going to take care of all Americans just like he takes care of his own family. It's comforting to know that the worst that can happen to us now is ending up homeless in Kenya."

"Michelle Obama is also here tonight. The first lady just taped an episode of 'Sesame Street' but walked off the set after seeing a segment featuring the Count holding photos of Barack's cabinet members and saying, 'Two … two tax cheats. Ah Ah Ah. Three … three tax cheats. Ah Ah Ah …'"

"In closing, I'd like to say thank you to the man who is responsible for all this. I'd like to, but George Soros isn't here tonight. They don't let George and Barack in the same room anymore because the last time they did, Joe Biden got tangled up in the puppet strings."
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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1838 on: May 11, 2009, 03:29:49 PM »
I'm now officially laughing......................... uh oh......I laughed a Liberal jokes..............I hear the Black Choppers.................
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

True_Texan

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1839 on: May 11, 2009, 03:36:20 PM »
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