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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364514 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5850 on: March 28, 2024, 11:30:05 PM »
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?  ???
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5851 on: March 28, 2024, 11:31:42 PM »
A pickpocket stole a midget's wallet. It's hard to believe someone could stoop so low.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5852 on: March 28, 2024, 11:32:35 PM »
A salesman knocks on a door and a little kid answers. The kid's got a cigar in one hand and a beer in the other. Salesman says, "Are your parents home?" Kid says, "What do you think?"
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5853 on: March 31, 2024, 11:31:14 AM »
I'm watching an animated movie that I rented, and evil superman from an alternate reality just delivered one of the best lines I've heard in awhile.

Or maybe it's just seems like it because I've had so much to drink today.

This is a screenshot of the actual subtitle.  ;D
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5854 on: April 04, 2024, 09:54:18 AM »
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.
The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door.
The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.
He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up.
The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.
Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place.
At the end of the line is the new employee.
She has a roll of the red material used for the Elmos and a big bag of small marbles.
They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.
The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically.
After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5855 on: Today at 10:00:12 PM »
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5855 on: April 04, 2024, 08:51:14 PM »
That's a classic.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Jim Kennedy-ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5856 on: April 05, 2024, 10:55:37 AM »
For you coffee lovers.
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Jim Kennedy-ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5857 on: April 05, 2024, 10:57:16 AM »
Dad joke!
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The time for action is upon us and the enemy is at our gates. Let us not allow them one more inch of advancement but instead throw them through the gates of Hell.

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5858 on: April 06, 2024, 09:00:59 PM »
A charity worker came to my front door and they were collecting for a homeless shelter. So, I gave them a cardboard box. Beggars can't be choosers, am I right?
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5859 on: April 07, 2024, 08:54:24 AM »
A group of engineers were relaxing at a local pub, and as the drinks went down the conversation went up. One of the engineers asked "Obviously, God is an engineer. There is no other occupation that could put together our marvelous human bodies." After some thought one engineer popped up with "God must be an electrical engineer. Look at the marvels of the brain and entire nervous system. Everything wired together to think, reason, control all of our bodily needs and functions, and give us the ability to move." The next engineer said "No, he is a mechanical engineer. Look at the strength and mobility of our skeleton, the hinges and muscles. The use of levers to increase strength." After some thought a third engineer piped up and claimed "Obviously, without a doubt, God is a civil engineer. Who else would run the septic system through the middle of the recreation area."
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