Classic joke thread...

[Badgersmilk]

[Pathfinder]

[Badgersmilk]

"Deliverance" bloopers reel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqjtz3rEPG0&feature=related

[Bill Stryker]

I was on my way to deposit some of  my money at Lowe's Home Improvement this morning to do my part to stimulate the economy and I found myself  behind this little car bearing a bumper sticker that read:

                             "We did it! - Obama / Biden'

Well, as luck would have it she pulled along side of me at a red light about a half mile down the road. I beeped my horn and gave her a big thumbs up. She rolled down her window and I said, "I love your bumper sticker!"

 

She thanked me and I quickly added, "It's good that you are taking responsibility for your mistake!"

She gave me the finger and drove off -- Humorless Bitch.

 

[Johnny Bravo]

NO SEX SINCE 1955


A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
 
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
 
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
 
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
 
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
 
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.  Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, But when is the last time you had sex?"
 
"1955, ma'am."
 
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"  She took his hand and led him to a private room Where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
 
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest And said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
 
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

[Sponsor]

[ratcatcher55]

Wow, he's good!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC-9SCmBOHc&feature=player_embedded#

[shooter32]

Wow, he's good!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC-9SCmBOHc&feature=player_embedded#

 I had that dream once.

[Hazcat]

I have ....Uh.... well, it's a long story. 

[tt11758]

 I had that dream once.

Me, too.  But HE wasn't in it. 

[MikeBjerum]

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.   He sits in the back of the  room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.   When he finishes them, he  comes back to the bar and orders three more.

 

The bartender  approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.   It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

 

The cowboy  replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.   One is in Arizona , the other  is in Colorado.   When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.   So I'm  drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

 

The  bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

 

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.   He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

 

One day, he comes  in and only orders two mugs.   All the regulars take notice and fall silent.    When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I  don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on  your loss."

 

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a  light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

 

"Oh, no, everybody's just  fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

 

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."