Classic joke thread...

[Hazcat]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.

Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

So here I am.

[Walter45Auto]

That's not funny. It's sickening.

[tt11758]

That's not funny. It's sickening true.

Corrected for accuracy.

[Badgersmilk]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.

Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

So here I am.

Wasn't that the Sean Penn / Madonna divorce?  

[Pathfinder]

Wasn't that the Sean Penn / Madonna divorce?  

DILLIGAF? ? ? ? ?

[Sponsor]

[philw]

DILLIGAF? ? ? ? ?

ROTFLMAO       

[philw]

An Indian, an Arab, and a hot gorgeous Aussie blonde girl are in the same bar.

When the Indian finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In India , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to
drink with the same one twice either.'

The blonde girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, Downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Indian and the Arab.
Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Australia we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'


' God Bless  Australia ‘

[1911 Junkie]

Testicle disorder  

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.  

During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

 "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,

"I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh!,  Well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman..

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD!  How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

[MikeBjerum]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.

Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

So here I am.

[1911 Junkie]

Busted, m58.

You know where you heard that joke?

From Haz yesterday at 01:29 pm.