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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364337 times)

seeker_two

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2630 on: January 01, 2010, 03:08:44 PM »


   If he even LOOKS at Michelle, she'll break BOTH our legs.
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Why, yes....I'm the right-wing extremist Obama warned you about... ;D

I just wish Texas was as free and independent as everyone thinks it is...   :'(

Johnny Bravo

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2631 on: January 04, 2010, 07:30:20 PM »
"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

11. Your cousin is president of the United States
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"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

"An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject."

Badgersmilk

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2632 on: January 04, 2010, 11:59:08 PM »
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Teresa Heilevang

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2633 on: January 05, 2010, 02:32:44 PM »
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . ..


Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened.

Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"
 

 

 
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"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2634 on: January 05, 2010, 03:10:33 PM »
Is that a Blonde joke M'ette?


Richard
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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2635 on: Today at 02:54:06 PM »
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red364

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2635 on: January 06, 2010, 07:23:02 PM »
The Blonde and the Breathalyzer
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, 'I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.' She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, 'It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones.'
She replied, 'You mean it shows that, too?'

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PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2636 on: January 07, 2010, 05:25:02 PM »
Quote from: Marshal'ette Halloway on January 05, 2010, 02:32:44 PM
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . ..


Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened.

Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!"
 

 

 ;D


NOTE: I do not advocate violence against women.
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2637 on: January 08, 2010, 03:03:46 PM »
 
Hey, the liberals are asking us to give Obam Bam time......I agree and think 25 years to life would be appropriate. What do you think??
 
I've been doing a bit of thinking and have come to the conclusion that we need Obam Bam healthcare like Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
 
Went to McDonalds and saw that they have a new Obam Bam Happy Meal. You order anything you want and the guy behind you pays for it.
 
What does Obam Bam call lunch with a convicted felon? A fund raiser!!
 
What's the difference between Obam Bam's cabinet and a penitentiary?? 
One is filled with tax evaders, communists/socialists, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
 
If Nancy Pelosi and Obam Bam were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink....who would be saved?? AMERICA
 
Do you know what the difference is between Obam Bam and his dog Bo?
Bo has papers.
 
Heard a rumor that Al Gore had to cancel several appearances to address the global warming issue.
All the major airports and interstates were snowed in.
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2638 on: January 08, 2010, 03:53:45 PM »
Truth is stranger/funnier than fiction!

Richard
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ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #2639 on: January 08, 2010, 05:53:40 PM »
Potato Prostitute 
>
>Two  little potatoes are standing
>on the street  corner. One is a
>prostitute..
>
>How can you  tell which one is the prostitute? 
>
>
>
>It's  the one with the little sticker that says... 
>
>
>I - DA - HO
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Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"
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