Classic joke thread...

[Marshal Halloway]

Didn't you notice that I haven't posted anything since that joke?

My keyboard stopped working and has been locked up until now. When I asked her about it, she just said.... "I don't know, you're the computer expert..."

On another note.... my cereal tasted funny this morning....

Well, I guess I better find a brunette joke real quick to avoid further retaliation.

Then again.... I am taking her out tonight for a "seafood eatin' session" and some book shopping at Barnes & Noble.

Keep me in your prayers....

[Hazcat]

Hey Marshal, how come you can do a blonde joke and not get reamed but anyone else incurres the Wrath of Marshal'ette?

RHIP (and he probably hears it in person, so to speak).

[tombogan03884]

Hey Marshal, how come you can do a blonde joke and not get reamed but anyone else incurres the Wrath of Marshal'ette?

 She doesn't have to post to ream him. Probably make him eat his own cooking for that one.

[ellis4538]

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

[Pathfinder]

OK, got one to balance the frog joke.

This guy walks into a bar he'd never been in before, goes to the end of the bar, and orders a beer. He's looking around, a group of gorgeous, drop-dead beauties at the other end of the bar, a handful of others, and this really unattractive guy sitting in the corner booth. As he's nursing the beer, one of the lovely ladies goes over to the corner booth, chats with the guy for a minute, then he gets up, and they walk out together. He's short dumpy, and in the better light the first guy see that, as my Mom used to say, this guy is really unfortunate looking.

A few days later the first guy goes back to the bar, goes to the end, orders a beer, and checks out the crowd. Only one really hot young lady, a couple of other folks, and the little troll-like guy in the corner booth. Same deal - the young lovely walks over to the guy in the corner booth, talks with him for a minute, he gets up, and they walk out with his arm around her waist.

A week later, the first guy goes back to the bar, sits down, bartender already has a beer waiting for him. The troll guy is in the corner booth. A hot young blonde woman walks in, stands at the end of the bar near the door for a minute, then goes over to the corner booth and - you guessed it - the troll guy gets up and leaves with ther - this time she is all over him.

The first guy waves the bartender over and complains - what's going on, every hot chick in this place goes out with him. The bartender say "Yeah, I know. And all he ever does is just sit in that corner booth licking his eyebrows".

 

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

I want to live my next life backwards! You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat. Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.

So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party. As you get even younger, you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities. In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap. Until finally...you finish off as an orgasm.

[Hazcat]

Works for me!!

[Teresa Heilevang]

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.   If you can't eat it or hump it.   
Piss on it and walk away.

((Aren't I just the most lady- like creature in the female world?
Actually I am one of the lucky ones who can be "both".. a redneck gal in blue jeans and a flannel shirt.. or a woman in a dress and jewelery and my hair all done up.  It's great being female.

[Hazcat]

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.   If you can't eat it or hump it.  
Piss on it and walk away.

((Aren't I just the most lady- like creature in the female world?
Actually I am one of the lucky ones who can be "both".. a redneck gal in blue jeans and a flannel shirt.. or a woman in a dress and jewelery and my hair all done up.  It's great being female.

I love it!! (and I'm going to steal it)

And Sugar we love ya just because your both.

[SlickRob]

THE WEDDING TEST


I was a very happy man.    My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful

younger sister.


My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She

would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to

be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was

near anyone else.


One day her "little" sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.


Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.


She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

and made a beeline straight to the front door. I

opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

said, "We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better

man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."


And the moral of this story is:
 


 
 

Always keep your condoms in your car.