Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified
with certainty the heaviest element known to science.
The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88
deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are
held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Pelosium is inert, and has no charge
and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second, to take from
4 days to 4 years to complete. Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years.
It does not decay, but instead undergoes
a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will
promote many morons to become isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Pelosium is formed whenever morons
reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as critical morass. When catalyzed with money,
Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy
as Pelosium since it has half as many
peons, but twice as many morons.
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