Classic joke thread...

[Teresa Heilevang]

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee
for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to
$500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts
for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and
model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, " I have an idea. It's so sheer that it
might as well be wearing nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the
modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

 She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.  The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least
iron it!"........


He never heard the shot.
Funeral on THURSDAY at Noon. Closed coffin

[tombogan03884]

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee
for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to
$500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts
for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and
model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, " I have an idea. It's so sheer that it
might as well be wearing nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the
modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

 She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.  The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least
iron it!"........


He never heard the shot.
Funeral on THURSDAY at Noon. Closed coffin

The moral of this is first impressions should be kept to yourself !      

[Teresa Heilevang]

In response to complaints from Reverends Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson that
 there are not enough Black and Hispanic   
people appearing on TV, FOX has decided that, in the future, 'America's Most
 Wanted' will be shown twice weekly.

[tombogan03884]

In response to complaints from Reverends Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson that
 there are not enough Black and Hispanic  
people appearing on TV, FOX has decided that, in the future, 'America's Most
 Wanted' will be shown twice weekly.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton would be on TV more often if there were an "Americas least wanted"

[Teresa Heilevang]

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this...
 When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around,
then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?

[Sponsor]

[Hazcat]

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this...
 When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around,
then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?

[Teresa Heilevang]

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer , along for the company.   

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

 The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

 Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!"

 Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

 The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard !


Moral of this story... 

Don't mess with the old dogs...
Age and Skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull-Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

[Hazcat]

Don't mess with the old dogs...
Age and Skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull-Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Mustn't... have to stop...don't say....biting tongue....AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!

[Teresa Heilevang]

Oh go ahead and say it..
Just admit that you have an overload of the "BS & BRILLIANCE " part. 

Everyone in here already knows it, so it's no big surprise..

[Hazcat]

Oh go ahead and say it..
Just admit that you have an overload of the "BS & BRILLIANCE " part. 

Everyone in here already knows it, so it's no big surprise..

I do believe that I have been hoisted with my own petard!