Classic joke thread...

[Solus]

I hear the Iguana population in Pakistan could use a boost 

[philw]

MAN TEST

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet... .

2. If you have a cat, you are a . A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!'  Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're pitched, you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a  in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is & nbsp; you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.  

[fightingquaker13]

MAN TEST

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.  

Does this mean I can forward it to Haz? because he might, just possibly, have some words on the cat issue.
FQ13 who will go back to drinking his very manly cafe con leche
PS Since you're Australian and therefore culturally deprived on the coffe front, I'll give you the recipe. Take a standard esspreso maker, mine is one of the old school one that just sits on the stove, but the plug in ones work fine. Fill the coffee container 1/3 full of coffee. Add 1/3 sugar and then the rest coffee. This gives you cafe Cubano. Dark and sweet, and rich, and bitter, and enticing and AAAAAARGH! DAMN your post! Anyway, pour it over some milk and add ice (not the reverse unless you like to see class break), and one cafe con leche. A great way to start a hot morning. Where you'll get all sweaty in the tropical sun, and the Iguans are basking in flowers, trying to catch the sea breeze while the faint Calypso music plays in the backgrund.......
FQ13 who would invite you to kiss my ass, but am afraid to. Don't mess with a Floridian's Cuban Coffee.    

[red364]

I give up,,,,,what IS a fressier???

[philw]

I give up,,,,,what IS a fressier???

I would not have a clue

[Sponsor]

[Big Frank]

I googled it and still don't know.

[PegLeg45]

From today's www.lucianne.com:

Nice hydrangeas, Path. 

[tombogan03884]

My Grandmother had a hydrangea in her yard, they do not do well up here
. But if you change the Ph of the soil you can change the color, it's even possible to get 2 colors (white and blue ) on the same plant.

[Bill Stryker]

Quickie in the Bushes


There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude

woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred

years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single

gesture, brings the two to life.


The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a

hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life

for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'


He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the

shrubbery.


The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing..


The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you

care to do it again?' He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh,

yes, let's!


But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and

you shit on its head.'

 

[Pathfinder]

Nice hydrangeas, Path. 

They changed the damned picture!