Classic joke thread...

[tombogan03884]

Wow, $15 bucks so far, your raking it in on that joke 

[Teresa Heilevang]

In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him.
 The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whiskey you bitch."
The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whiskey for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee.
 As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whiskey you slut."
Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whiskey but still no coffee for the man.
 Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench, I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!"
 Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards.
 Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a lippy bastard... "

[Outlaw]

Anybody got change for a twenty?

[cookie62]

Just send her the 20, and we'll owe ya

[Teresa Heilevang]

This Priest was walking down town one day and this "lady" comes up to him
and asks "How bout a quickie, Father", he said "No" and walked a little
farther when another "lady" stops him and asks "How bout a quickie, Father"
and again he replies "No" and continues his walk.  When he gets back to the
parish he meets one of the nuns and he says "Sister, what's a Quickie? "and
she replies, 50 cents, same as it is down town.

[Sponsor]

[Bill Stryker]

Teresa, You owe me $5.

[Teresa Heilevang]

That's okay.. I can pay you and still be ahead. LOL

[Ichiban]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his
Father and working in the family business. When he found out he was
Going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he
Needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his
Breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said
To her, "But in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit
20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card
And three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than Men.

[Outlaw]

Evil Wench

Thought I'd better clean this up.  Not you Teresa, The lady in the last joke

[Hazcat]

Evil Wench

+ 10!!!