Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the
other, a Chihuahua .
 
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her
friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there...we've got the
dogs with us."
 
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
 
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of
dark glasses and started to walk in.
 
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
 
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my
seeing-eye dog."
 
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
 
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now.  They're very good."
 
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
 
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua
was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the
heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
 
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
 
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
 
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
 
The woman said indignantly, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a f**king Chihuahua ?!"

[FSBARAK]

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department . One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

 

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

 

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick..'

[PegLeg45]

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.

Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.

The man obeys.

The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.

The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever the cords.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there?"

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care."

[red364]

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
Room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants...

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.

[tombogan03884]

Safe bet of the day :
Red is not blonde  

[Sponsor]

[ellis4538]

Not necessarily.  I have heard some really great Blonde jokes from Blondes.

Richard

[Solus]

True, I've know several Blondes who enjoy Blonde jokes.   

None of them were in the least bit air headed.

[McGyver]

"None of them were in the least bit air headed."

Isn't that an oxymoron?   

[Solus]

"None of them were in the least bit air headed."

Isn't that an oxymoron?   

Ask Ann Coulter that one....

[seeker_two]

Ask Ann Coulter that one....

She's not a real blonde.....though I think Chris Matthews is....