Classic joke thread...

[fightingquaker13]

I  met a fairy today that would grant me one wish.
 

"I want to live forever," I said.

 

"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

 

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl!"

 

 "You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

If he'd made it the Bucs or the Browns he'd have been onto something. The Vikings sometimes have potential.
FQ13

[tt11758]

THE ANT AND THEGRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different....

Two Different Versions..........

Two Different Morals.....

________________________________

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed..

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

________________________________

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a pres s conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing,'We shall overcome.' Rev. Jeremiah Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

Th e grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang ofspiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.

________________________________

I've posted this here because I believe that you are an ant & not a grasshopper! Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don't bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway.

     

[tt11758]

If he'd made it the Bucs or the Browns he'd have been onto something. The Vikings sometimes have potential.
FQ13

While you make a valid point, they also have a tendency to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at the precise moment that they are on the cusp of greatness.

[PegLeg45]

While you make a valid point, they also have a tendency to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at the precise moment that they are on the cusp of greatness.

As in the 1998 NFC Championship game vs the Falcons?   



Vikings were heavily favored, but with a season record of 14-2, the Falcons shouldn't have been expected to fall down and play dead.

[Hazcat]

If he'd made it the Bucs or the Browns he'd have been onto something. The Vikings sometimes have potential.
FQ13

UH....The Bucs have won a superbowl.

[Sponsor]

[tt11758]

As in the 1998 NFC Championship game vs the Falcons?   



Vikings were heavily favored, but with a season record of 14-2, the Falcons shouldn't have been expected to fall down and play dead.

That's ONE of the times that comes to mind.

[fightingquaker13]

UH....The Bucs have won a superbowl.

They should have been drug tested. I saw it happen and I still don't believe it.
FQ13 who says it goes against the natural order of things here in Florida, like a hurricane in March.

[rat31465]

Here in So. Fl. we call that the 'Boca Scam". An older business guy sits down at a bar alone. A cute young thing sidles up and talks to him as though he is the coolest thing on the planet. She eats and drinks for free. Second date? Much like the first, only she gets a "gift'. "Sorry, but I'm not tht type of girl, I'll still see you Wednesday though, I just need something to go with my dress, pearls would be nice".
Third date. "Man, that was the best lobster ever, and these pearls are great! You are amazing, and well, it is the third date. I'll just powder my nose and we can go back to your place".
Thirty minutes later at his table? DOH!
Moral of the story? If she's half your age? She ain't interested in you. Why do guys not get this?
FQ13

The solution to the problem of dating girls half your age comes from knowing the perfect pick up line to use on them.

Sidle up next to the younger girl and lean in really close and say.  "Excuse me Miss, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[ellis4538]

tt, just wondering how the NFL team from Iowa did last year?

Richard

PS:  Old enough Browns fan to remember the GLORY DAYS!

[SwoopSJ]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.  "What are you doing?", she asked.  "Hunting Flies", he responded.  "Oh, killed any?", she asked.  "Yep, 3 males and 2 females", he replied.  Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"  He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."