« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 317 318 [319] 320 321 ... 589   Go Down

Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364454 times)

JC5123

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2572
  • Fortune sides with him who dares.
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3180 on: September 13, 2010, 05:50:18 PM »
Quote from: Timothy on September 13, 2010, 05:48:13 PM
Well Peg.....

Since statistics show that only 5% of the worlds population is actually, truly blond, the odds are that most of the women we've met that looked blond, probably weren't.

Carpet.....drapes......you know that.....digression into locker room stuff...

 ;D

Do you know how bad you people have corrupted me?!?!?!?! I used to be innocent.  ;) Now I'm turning into a dirty old man! Thanks a lot!   ;D ;D ;D
Logged
I am a member of my nation's chosen soldiery.
God grant that I may not be found wanting,
that I will not fail this sacred trust.

Timothy

  • Guest
Classic Joke thread.
« Reply #3181 on: September 13, 2010, 05:55:16 PM »
Quote from: JC5123 on September 13, 2010, 05:50:18 PM
Do you know how bad you people have corrupted me?!?!?!?! I used to be innocent.  ;) Now I'm turning into a dirty old man! Thanks a lot!   ;D ;D ;D

You're welcome!

 ;D ;)
Logged

ellis4538

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3455
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3182 on: September 13, 2010, 06:38:47 PM »
All right!  Which one of you guys twisted JC's arm and forced him to become corrupted?????


Richard


PS:  You don't become a "Dirty Old Man"...you age into it naturally!   LOL
Logged
Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

PegLeg45

  • NRA Life, SAF, Constitutionalist
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13074
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1030
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3183 on: September 13, 2010, 07:23:13 PM »
Quote from: JC5123 on September 13, 2010, 05:50:18 PM
Do you know how bad you people have corrupted me?!?!?!?! I used to be innocent.  ;) Now I'm turning into admitting that I am a dirty old man! Thanks a lot!   ;D ;D ;D

FIFY

The truth shall set you free my brother...........  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D
Logged
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

tt11758

  • Noolis bastardis carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down)
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5821
  • DRTV Ranger ~
    • 10-Ring Firearms Training
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 7
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3184 on: September 13, 2010, 08:48:23 PM »
I'm not a dirty old man.  I'm an oversexed senior citizen.   ;D
Logged
I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!

Sponsor

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3185 on: Today at 07:17:23 PM »
Logged

CJS3

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1298
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3185 on: September 13, 2010, 11:45:37 PM »
Quote from: tt11758 on September 13, 2010, 08:48:23 PM
I'm not a dirty old man.  I'm an oversexed senior citizen.   ;D

"That's right, I'm a dirty old man. And I'm gonna be a dirty old man, until I'm a dead old man." - Red Foxx 
Logged
Children, pets, and slaves are taken care of. Free Men take care of themselves.

Johnny Bravo

  • NRA Life Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 955
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3186 on: September 14, 2010, 08:04:43 PM »
I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.
 
"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.   ;D
Logged
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

"An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject."

crusader rabbit

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2709
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 26
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3187 on: September 17, 2010, 06:24:13 AM »
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"
Logged
“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

tt11758

  • Noolis bastardis carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down)
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5821
  • DRTV Ranger ~
    • 10-Ring Firearms Training
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 7
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3188 on: September 17, 2010, 10:08:21 AM »
The differences between then and now:


1978:  Long hair
2010:  Longing for hair


1978: KEG  
2010:  EKG


1978  :  Acid rock
2010:  Acid reflux




1978:  Moving to   California  because it's  cool
2010:  Moving to   Arizona  because it's warm




1978:  Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor  
2010:  Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or  Liz Taylor


1978:  Seeds and stems  
2010:  Roughage  



1978:  Hoping for a  BMW
2010:  Hoping for a BMW  



1978:  Going to a new, hip joint  
2010:  Receiving a new hip joint



1978:  Rolling Stones  
2010:  Kidney Stones  



1978:  Screw the system  
2010:  Upgrade the system



1978:  Disco
2010:  Costco  



1978:  Parents begging you to get your hair  cut
2010:  Children begging you to get their heads  shaved



1978:  Passing the drivers' test  
2010:  Passing the vision test  



1978:  Whatever
2010:  Depends


Just  in case you weren't feeling too old today, this  will certainly change things. Each year the  staff at   Beloit   College  in   Wisconsin  puts together a list to try to give the faculty  a sense of the Mindset of this year's incoming  freshmen. Here's this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across  the nation were born in 1992.  



They are too young to remember the space shuttle  blowing up.


Their lifetime has always included  AIDS.  


Bottle caps have always been screw off and  plastic.  


The CD was introduced 2 years before they were born.  


They have always had an answering machine.  


They have always had cable.  


They cannot fathom not having a remote  control..  


Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight  Show.  


Popcorn  has always been cooked in the  microwave.


They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.  


They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.


They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.


They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a  mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de  plane.."


They do not care who shot J. R. And have no idea who  J. R. Even is.


McDonald's  never came in Styrofoam containers.  


They don't have a clue how to use a  typewriter.  


Do  you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old  fogies on your list. Notice the larger type,  that's for those of you who have trouble  reading..
 

So  have a nice day!!!!! It is good to have friends  who know about these things and are still alive  and kicking!!!!  
Logged
I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!

JC5123

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2572
  • Fortune sides with him who dares.
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3189 on: September 17, 2010, 10:55:58 AM »
Old people sense of humor.....
Logged
I am a member of my nation's chosen soldiery.
God grant that I may not be found wanting,
that I will not fail this sacred trust.
Pages: 1 ... 317 318 [319] 320 321 ... 589   Go Up
« previous next »
 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk