Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1434447 times)

philw

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3680 on: June 08, 2011, 03:53:27 AM »
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
 
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
 
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
 
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other
children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.  I don't understand. My parents taught me to
be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. 

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where the f..k I am...
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. The only thing you can’t do is ignore them

Steve Cover

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3681 on: June 09, 2011, 10:53:18 PM »
Last summer our two grand-nieces spent some time with us at our retirement property up in the NE corner of Washington.

Being big city girls, they were excited about being in the woods.
They wanted something to show their friends back home, so I decided to let them use one of my traps to catch a squirrel.
After a few pictures, the squirrel would be released unharmed... No harm no foul..

They took an apple for bait and off they went....



I guess I should have told them what a squirrel was...
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FOUGHT FOR IT
FREEDOM HAS A FLAVOR
THE PROTECTED WILL NEVER KNOW

Hazcat

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3682 on: June 09, 2011, 11:04:20 PM »
LOL!
All tipoes and misspelings are copi-righted.  Pleeze do not reuse without ritten persimmons  :D

bulldog75

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3683 on: June 10, 2011, 08:15:14 AM »
 :o
Citizens sleep peacfully at night knowing that rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf - George Orwell

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3684 on: June 10, 2011, 05:28:40 PM »
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.

She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3685 on: Today at 03:57:17 AM »

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3685 on: June 10, 2011, 08:51:57 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3686 on: June 11, 2011, 02:20:26 PM »

Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years -
I think Bin Laden called the US Navy Seals himself.

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3687 on: June 12, 2011, 09:43:16 PM »
In honor of  Arnold Schwarzenegger and Congressman Weiner, a new commandment has been created.

             Be sure to write  this one in underneath the other ten:
            "Thou Shalt Not Share Thy Rod With Thy  Staff."
             
                             

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3688 on: June 12, 2011, 09:51:17 PM »
Bill Clinton thinks that is a truly worthy bipartisan comment  ;D

kmitch200

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3689 on: June 12, 2011, 11:21:11 PM »
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles; but at least they drive slowly past schools.

 

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