Classic joke thread...

[Majer]

A priest and a rabbi are having dinner together talking and the priest asks the rabbi, "Rabbi I know your religion doesn't allow you to eat pork, but I was wondering, have you ever strayed and eaten it?"
The rabbi says "To tell you the truth once I was out of town at a conference. Afterward i went to a diner for dinner and someone had ordered a BLT. The smell was to much to resist. I figured no-one would know, and I ordered one too."
The priest nodded, but said nothing.
The rabbi waited a few minutes and asks "Father, I know your religion does not allow the clergy to have sex. I was just wondering if you had ever strayed and enjoyed the peasures of a woman?"
The priest hesitated and finally says "Yes rabbi I too have gone against my religion. I was consoling a young widow that was struggling in life. she started crying, I held her trying to comfort her. One thing led to another and we wound up in bed."
The rabbi nodded and after a few moments said "Sure beats the hell out of a BLT, doesn't it?"

[PegLeg45]

We are blessed in the South to have such an abundant wealth of talented story tellers through whom future generations can learn of our history and 21st century lifestyle.

Here is a classical example:

A Poem About Tomatoes

I know a Muslim whose name is Jim,
I really love throwing tomatoes at him,
Tomatoes are soft and don't hurt the skin,
But these f**kers do, 'cause they're still in the tin!


The warmth and heart wrenching simplicity of Appalachian poetry can bring a tear to the eye.

[tt11758]

We are blessed in the South to have such an abundant wealth of talented story tellers through whom future generations can learn of our history and 21st century lifestyle.

Here is a classical example:

A Poem About Tomatoes

I know a Muslim whose name is Jim,
I really love throwing tomatoes at him,
Tomatoes are soft and don't hurt the skin,
But these f**kers do, 'cause they're still in the tin!


The warmth and heart wrenching simplicity of Appalachian poetry can bring a tear to the eye.

DUDE!!  You owe me a keyboard!!! 

[Bill Stryker]

God
Said, "Adam, I
Want you to do
Something for
Me."

Adam
Said, "Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?"


God
Said , "Go down
Into that
Valley."
Adam said, "What's
A valley?"

God explained it to
Him. Then God said,
"Cross the
River."

Adam said, "What's a
River?"

God explained that
To him, and then said,
"Go over to the
Hill...."

Adam said, "What is a
Hill?"


So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On
The
Other side of the
Hill you will find a
Cave."


Adam said, 'What's a
Cave?'

After God explained,
He
Said, "In the cave
You will find a woman."


Adam said, "What's a
Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I
Want you
To
Reproduce."

Adam said, "How do
I do
That?" 

God first said (under
His breath), "Geez....."

And then,
Just like everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as
Well.

So, Adam goes down
Into
The valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill,
Into the
Cave, and finds the
Woman.

Then, in
About five minutes, he was back.

God,
His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, "What is
It
Now?"

And Adam said....


*

*


(YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE
THIS!!!!!!)

*

*


*

*

*

"What's a
Headache?"

[ellis4538]

Multi tasking wasn't big back then either!

LOL


Richard

[Sponsor]

[billt]

While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River ; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and HomelandSecurity. It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps...

[Majer]

    Barack and Michelle are at a recent White Sox game.

    Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one  of

     

    the Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the president. Barack stares at the guy,   looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently.

    The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request,  from the owner of the team down to the bat boy. And...the fans would love it!"

    So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the  people want."

    He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the  seat of her pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field. She  gets up kicking, swearing, and screaming -- and the crowd goes wild,   cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.

    Barack is bowing and  smiling, and leans over to the agent and says, "You were right, I would have never believed that!"

    Then noticing the agent has gone  totally pale, Barack asks what is wrong.

    The agent replies, "Sir,  I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!"

[PegLeg45]

Majer, that one is sooooo going to be stolen and sent on........   

[PegLeg45]

Via Sheriff Jim Wilson:

Hilary Clinton told TSA she refuses to be patted down.
Bill Clinton said, "Tell me about it!"

[sledgemeister]

My New Doctor

    I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous!

    I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before.

    Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out .."

    I said, "...my wife thinks my dick tastes funny..."