Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364448 times)

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3720 on: June 23, 2011, 03:23:27 PM »
BIG PEOPLE  WORDS

 

A group of  kindergartners were trying very hard to

become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher

insisted on NO baby talk!

 

You need to use 'Big People' words,'  she was always reminding  them.

 

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana'.

 

No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use 'Big People'  words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done

'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.

 

She said.  'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.

You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

 

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

 

'I read a book' he replied.

 

That's  WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

 

'What book did you read?'

 

 

 

Alex thought real hard about it,

then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

'Winnie the SHIT'

red364

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3721 on: June 24, 2011, 07:07:30 PM »
Cowboy Up

An Alberta cowboy walked into a drug store in Vancouver and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.
The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a, uh, permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is as follows:
-1/3 ownership in the store
-A company pickup truck
-Two home cooked dinners a week
-And $3,000 a month in living expenses.”


Majer

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3722 on: June 24, 2011, 09:09:07 PM »
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on
an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of
the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
hides. (Some of you may need help with this one.)
"If violent crime is to be curbed, it is only the intended victim who can do it. The felon does not fear the police, and he fears neither judge nor jury. Therefore what he must be taught to fear is his victim." - Jeff Cooper
Pericles--"Freedom is only for those who have the guts to defend it".

The problem with society today is that not enough of us drink wine from our enemies skulls”.

It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 3 for proper trigger squeeze.

Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars!!!
-Sheriff Jim Wilson
"When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty" Thomas Jefferson
Es gibt keine Notwendigkeit zu befürchten, Underdog hier ist.
Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage. Where are we now??????

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3723 on: June 24, 2011, 09:36:01 PM »
Pythagoras on acid ?

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3724 on: June 25, 2011, 01:26:57 AM »
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Senators and Congressmen.
It will be named the “Congressman”.

It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3725 on: Today at 07:09:16 PM »

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3725 on: June 25, 2011, 09:16:54 AM »
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Senators and Congressmen.
It will be named the “Congressman”.

It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

Gonna steal that one too.  :D
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

fightingquaker13

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3726 on: June 25, 2011, 09:44:05 AM »
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Senators and Congressmen.
It will be named the “Congressman”.

It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
And here I was hoping it just blew up in your hand. :-\
FQ13

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3727 on: June 25, 2011, 10:03:08 AM »
And here I was hoping it just blew up in your hand. :-\
FQ13

No, that's the Barney Frank model.   :o
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

1911 Junkie

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3728 on: June 25, 2011, 10:40:02 AM »
No, that's the Barney Frank model.   :o

Beat me to it.  ;D
"I'd love to spit some Beechnut in that dudes eye and shoot him with my old .45"  Hank Jr.

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #3729 on: June 25, 2011, 05:06:17 PM »
We must be PC here...I believe it's Congressperson!

Richard
Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

 

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