Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1357532 times)

Outlaw

  • U.S.A.F. Retired/CCW
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 351
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #550 on: May 17, 2008, 10:08:23 AM »
They finally caught E.T.





Strategic Air Command Motto: Peace is Our Profession, Believe it or We'll Bomb the Hell Outta Ya!

Bill Stryker

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 727
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #551 on: May 20, 2008, 11:11:37 AM »
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral........I'm a gynecologist.'

The proctologist fainted.

ericire12

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7926
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #552 on: May 20, 2008, 03:27:28 PM »
Everything I needed to learn in life I learned from Country Music.

tombogan03884

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #553 on: May 21, 2008, 02:29:33 AM »



That might be funny if it was a joke, unfortunately it's the simple truth.

Teresa Heilevang

  • The "Other Halloway"
  • Global Moderator
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3639
  • Don't make me call the flying monkeys! DRTV Ranger
    • The Perfect Touch
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #554 on: May 21, 2008, 01:06:39 PM »
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend."

 Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build
her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
would remodel the kitchen for her."

 They continue to fish.  When they realized that the fourth guy has not said
a word, they asked him.
 "You haven't said anything about what you had to  do to be able to come fishing this weekend.  What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off
my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt  and said:
"Fishing or Sex?"
and she said: "Wear sun-block."
   ;D ;D
"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

Sponsor

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #555 on: Today at 01:00:17 AM »

ericire12

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7926
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #555 on: May 22, 2008, 10:22:20 AM »


Not a joke but still funny.
Everything I needed to learn in life I learned from Country Music.

cookie62

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 893
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #556 on: May 22, 2008, 09:42:30 PM »
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility... 

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'
Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win
A bird in the hand is worth..Well, about a box of shells!
Yes, I'm bitter and cling to guns and religion..

Teresa Heilevang

  • The "Other Halloway"
  • Global Moderator
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3639
  • Don't make me call the flying monkeys! DRTV Ranger
    • The Perfect Touch
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #557 on: May 23, 2008, 08:47:30 AM »
A Department of Water representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your Water allocation.'
 
The old farmer said, 'OK , but don't go in that field over there.' The Water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WANT on ANY agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
 
The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later, the Old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence. And close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep. with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and Shouted out......
 
 'Your card! Your card! Show him your card!

"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

Teresa Heilevang

  • The "Other Halloway"
  • Global Moderator
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3639
  • Don't make me call the flying monkeys! DRTV Ranger
    • The Perfect Touch
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #558 on: May 23, 2008, 01:21:17 PM »

"Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History ! "
 

tombogan03884

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #559 on: May 23, 2008, 05:15:19 PM »
Thats about the most concise and accurate political commentary I've heard since this election cycle started SOOOO long ago.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk