Classic joke thread...

[tombogan03884]

It's just a different variation of the miracle of fermentation.  Just with a different result.

In the end, both leave you with life in your belly.   

And an aching head. 

[crusader rabbit]

From a British perspective: This was a reader's 'letter to the editor ' published in daily " SUN" last Sunday. Read and think !!

Tolerance …. I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in London on the Thames.  I think it should be the goal of every Englishman to be tolerant. Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."
 
Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."

All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved. If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please publish my letter.

[tombogan03884]

I remember this from the attempt to build a mosque near the World Trade Center site.
Besides a real Brit never would have thought of a rib joint, they would have gone for a fish and chip place with some snide comment about Osama's rest. 

[jaybet]

Borrowed this!

This plays into the situation where some armed angry muslims KILLED the US Ambassador because of a movie they don't like. I heard a "spokesman" on the radio saying, "Do not say these things. Do not make our people mad. They will kill".
What these ignorant sobs don't realize (because they are SO freakin' ignorant) is that they don't want to piss US off. We're a lot better and a lot more efficient at killing than they are, and when the familiy dog gets rabid you put it down. Keep it up a**holes.

[sledgemeister]

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said "Goats."

[Sponsor]

[mkm]

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said "Goats."

Where did you find this joke? and How did Auburn become the setting?  Dang Tasmanians!    From a proud Auburn alumus, WAR EAGLE!

[sledgemeister]

Where did you find this joke? and How did Auburn become the setting?  Dang Tasmanians!    From a proud Auburn alumus, WAR EAGLE!

Well it wasnt from a bloke called Ahmed thats for sure LOL

[sledgemeister]

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.


For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.  He receives
these accomodations absolutely free.  He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.
 







I think my dog is an illegal IMMIGRANT

[philw]

lol  or a native 

[crusader rabbit]

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.


For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.  He receives
these accomodations absolutely free.  He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.
 







I think my dog is an illegal IMMIGRANT DEMOCRAT

FIFY