Classic joke thread...

[Majer]

good reason for Standard Cap magazines..

A man walked into his local crowded bar pulled out a revolver and waved it around yelling " who in here is having sex with my wife". A voice from the back yelled back, " your going to need more ammo!'.

[santahog]

Two men were walking down the road and came upon this big hole in the ground. Jake picked up a rock and dropped it into the hole and was listening for it to hit the bottom.. When no sound came back, his friend, Luke said lets find a big rock and see if we can hear it hit the bottom.. So they tugged this large rock over to the hole dropped it in and waited for the rock to hit bottom.. Sure enough, not a sound came back.. Jake said man that must be one of those bottomless holes! They looked around and saw this heavy railroad tie, lugged it over to the hole and let her go.. Listening, and listening, not a sound came from the hole, Just about then a goat came tearing out of the woods and jumped right into the hole.. This was beyond their belief. Then they saw this Farmer who came running up to them and ask if they had seen his goat. Well they told him the story about the goat jumping into the hole, and he said naw that couldn't be my goat, I had my goat chained to a railroad tie.

[TAB]

whats 6 inchs long 2 inchs wide and drives the ladies wild?         a $100 bill

[santahog]

whats 6 inchs long 2 inchs wide, drives the ladies wild and makes them cry for "MORE!!"?         a $100 bill

[santahog]

Crow Mystery
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending
danger.

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

[Sponsor]

[Majer]

    H.L. Mencken (born 1880 - died 1956) was a journalist, satirist, critic, and Democrat.  He wrote this editorial while working for the Baltimore Evening Sun, which appeared in the July 26, 1920, edition:
    "As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people.  On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron."
                               ----H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
     

[fatbaldguy]

    H.L. Mencken (born 1880 - died 1956) was a journalist, satirist, critic, and Democrat.  He wrote this editorial while working for the Baltimore Evening Sun, which appeared in the July 26, 1920, edition:
    "As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people.  On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron."
                               ----H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
     

Stolen and forwarded to lots of democratic fools I know.

[tombogan03884]

Stolen and forwarded to lots of democratic fools I know.

The problem with that is that they still won't connect "a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron." with their enlightened won.

[fightingquaker13]

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some Crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

"Want some of this?" she purred.

"Are you kidding?", he replied, "Look what it did to those panties!"

 

[tombogan03884]

http://girlsjustwannahaveguns.com/2013/06/russians-have-a-biting-sense-of-humor-tampon-commercial/