Classic joke thread...

[tombogan03884]

Three Holy Men and a Bear...no Lutherans participated.

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion..

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.  'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the way to start."

[Majer]

Pete decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his
Guns. His wife was standing there watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I
Think it's time you quit hunting and shooting. Maybe you should sell
Your guns."

Pete gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong ?"

"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!," she screams. "I didn't know you were married
Before!"

"I wasn't...!!!

[Big Frank]

When you've had an absolute "I hate my job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"

Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company".

Have a nice day everyone and remember, there is always someone with a worse job than yours.

[Majer]

 

[GASPASSERDELUXE]

A good one. Also stolen.

[Sponsor]

[PegLeg45]

When you've had an absolute "I hate my job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"

Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company".

Have a nice day everyone and remember, there is always someone with a worse job than yours.


Yep.

[lhprop1]

[PegLeg45]

Yes.... English lessons may help.

 

[PegLeg45]

 

[Majer]

A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:

Husband: Sukitaki.

Wife replies: Kowanini!

Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this.

As if you understand Japanese!

Unbelievable!

I knew you would read anything as long as it is about sex.

You need help!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: