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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364471 times)

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4910 on: December 14, 2015, 04:33:25 PM »
Quote from: tombogan03884 on December 14, 2015, 03:05:15 PM
Availing named Rudolph the Red told his wife it was going to rain.
She asked how he knew.
He said, " Rudolph the Red KNOWS rain dear.

Billstryker, no improvement yet !  ;D

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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4911 on: December 14, 2015, 06:15:05 PM »
Rudolph was a Russian weatherman.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4912 on: December 15, 2015, 06:02:45 AM »
Actually he would have been a VIKING if I hadn't fat fingered the damned keys on this tablet.
I love the convenience of being able to carry it in my pocket, but I beg God to eternally damn the SOB who decided to make the keys so small.
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4913 on: December 15, 2015, 01:06:07 PM »
That makes sense now. Don't you just love modern tech? So far I've avoided  tablets and smart phones. I'm online all I need to be without them.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4914 on: December 15, 2015, 01:59:09 PM »
if you have a iphone... type in lardass and let it auto correct it...




if you do not have a iphone google "lardass on a iphone"
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4915 on: Today at 08:00:01 PM »
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tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4915 on: December 15, 2015, 03:07:45 PM »
Quote from: TAB on December 15, 2015, 01:59:09 PM
if you have a iphone... type in lardass and let it auto correct it...




if you do not have a iphone google "lardass on a iphone"


Not going to spoil it for others.  ;D
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TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4916 on: December 15, 2015, 03:36:29 PM »


 ;D
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4917 on: December 18, 2015, 04:23:43 PM »
 "Stay"
 
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A "DOG PERSON" TO TRULY APPRECIATE THIS STORY.
 
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows
to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay....do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,
 
(this is going to hurt, but read on anyway....),


 
"Why don't you just put it  in 'Park'?"
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Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4918 on: December 18, 2015, 06:58:55 PM »
Did you answer  "It's a stick shift, you ditzzy blonde."

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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4919 on: December 19, 2015, 01:11:34 PM »
Two terrorists are in a locker room taking their annual shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other one bending over holding his stomach in agony. He has a huge cork stuck in his butt.

“If you do not mind me saying," said the second terrorists, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?"

"I regret I cannot", lamented the first terrorist. “It is permanently stuck in my butt."

"I do not understand," said the other.

The first terrorist says, “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man In an American flag with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."

I said, "No shit?"

This story has been Verified by Brian Williams, NBC anchor news. He was there when it happened.


God Bless America.
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