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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364389 times)

Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5030 on: March 16, 2017, 06:24:20 PM »
There is a boat there.

If you focus closely, you can see a part of it between her legs....   ;D ;D
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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5031 on: March 16, 2017, 10:21:00 PM »
Wood.   ;)
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Jim Kennedy-ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5032 on: March 17, 2017, 07:30:08 AM »
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The time for action is upon us and the enemy is at our gates. Let us not allow them one more inch of advancement but instead throw them through the gates of Hell.

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5033 on: March 30, 2017, 10:19:43 PM »
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".The boss, astonished, says "$101,237.65?!? What the hell did you sell him?"The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5034 on: April 08, 2017, 02:10:06 PM »
I started to post this in the Defense section as an instructional video.....BUT, figured it belonged here.  ;D




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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5035 on: Today at 04:52:02 PM »
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crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5035 on: April 18, 2017, 12:35:11 PM »


    Saying goodbye to Mother (hysterical!)

    We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.
     
    We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
     
    As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to eat the bird.
     
    My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
     
    A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
     
    The cab driver hit a parked car.
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Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5036 on: April 20, 2017, 03:03:12 PM »
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
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Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5037 on: April 20, 2017, 03:09:43 PM »
Quote from: Timothy on April 20, 2017, 03:03:12 PM
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

I'm guessing this would have something to do with something related to toilet paper?
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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5038 on: April 20, 2017, 03:14:37 PM »
Quote from: Solus on April 20, 2017, 03:09:43 PM
I'm guessing this would have something to do with something related to toilet paper?

^^^^*
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TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5039 on: April 26, 2017, 02:47:56 PM »
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.
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