Classic joke thread...

[ellis4538]

Actually, she's an Angel...Up in the air and harping ALL the time!!!!!!!!

Richard

[wisconsin]

Same here 

[tombogan03884]

Actually, she's an Angel...Up in the air and harping ALL the time!!!!!!!!

Richard

Same here 

Thank GOD for divorce court. 

[Hazcat]

Thank GOD for divorce court. 

x 2 

[ellis4538]

Not really!  Here in Ohio I would loose everything and have to move into a homeless shelter.

Richard

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

Pappa Mole, Mamma Mole and Baby Mole all lived in a Mole Hole.  One day Pappa Mole stuck his head out of the hole and said "mmmm, I smell maple syrup".  Mama Mole joined him and stuck her head out the hole and said "mmmm, I smell honey".  Baby Mole wanted to join them, but  Mamma and Pappa had the hole filled and he couldn't get up there to stick his head out.  Baby Mole said "hum, all I smell is molasses"

[PegLeg45]

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, 'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW'.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, 'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'GE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE, SHE SAYS'. THEN THE WIFE ASKS, 'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT '

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, 'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'WESTINGHOUSE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE', SHE SAYS. 'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK '

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS'. HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'ACE HARDWARE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! '

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE, HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

'HONEY', HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'

SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE'.

HE SAID, 'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO .. DO YOU SEE 'BETTY CROCKER' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!'

[Teresa Heilevang]

Nancy Astor: "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!"


Winston Churchill: "And if I were your husband I would drink it."

[Hazcat]

Nancy Astor: "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!"


Winston Churchill: "And if I were your husband I would drink it."

It is sad that today vulgarity has replaced such witty and biting repartee.

[MikeBjerum]

Unless your Mrs. Palin.

She can give you that kind motherly look (I'm sure M'ette has it, but the gunsmoke hides it), say "gosh, golly, gee ... God Bless you ... but (fill in the correction, instruction or criticism here)," and they thank her for it 

This is why M'ette will need to settle for our vote of approval.  If you put her in a debate I'm sure that by the eight minute mark she would have either coldcocked or shot someone