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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364472 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1290 on: January 01, 2009, 01:53:15 PM »
It was fun for a little while. Then my blood alcohol level dropped slightly below zombie and I realized I screwed up big time.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

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Pathfinder

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1291 on: January 01, 2009, 03:08:25 PM »
Quote from: jumbofrank on January 01, 2009, 01:13:45 PM
Yeah, the colonel was POed at me. And I shouldn't have gone joyriding in one of these. http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ground/m88-pics.htm

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - I always wanted to drive one of those. Didn't want the 4 years of FTA that went along with it - or the jungle ambiance that usually went with the M88 either.
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1292 on: January 01, 2009, 07:18:10 PM »
I was a couple weeks shy of going home for good in 1983. I finally got home in 1985.  :'(  That sucked beyond belief. Breaking big ones into little ones and all that. Not seeing my family for a few years was tough too.  :'(  And it's not a joke.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

m25operator

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1293 on: January 02, 2009, 12:52:34 AM »
JF, I reserve judgement as to whether you deserved it or not, but welcome home. ;)
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tt11758

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1294 on: January 02, 2009, 05:24:32 PM »
Quote from: jumbofrank on January 01, 2009, 07:18:10 PM
I was a couple weeks shy of going home for good in 1983. I finally got home in 1985.  :'(  That sucked beyond belief. Breaking big ones into little ones and all that. Not seeing my family for a few years was tough too.  :'(  And it's not a joke.

The military has never been known for it's sense of humor.
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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1295 on: Today at 08:00:48 PM »
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1295 on: January 02, 2009, 07:22:02 PM »
Thanks m25operator.

If the army wanted anyone to have a sense of humor they would have issued it to them.  ;D

All my friends and coworkers know all about my past and I feel like I have a new group of friends here, so there you have it. My dirty little secret that's not a secret.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1296 on: January 03, 2009, 10:46:47 PM »
OK, Here's a good 'groaner'.......



A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, I couldn't help but to notice, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night Rubbing it with butter.. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it."

Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."




Wait for it .........



Wait ..





"Crisco!!?" Bob exclaimed. "Damm it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!"

 ::)


MORAL: You gotta follow the recipe  ;D
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Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1297 on: January 03, 2009, 11:15:25 PM »
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played
golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END


I just love happy endings. - Frank
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1298 on: January 04, 2009, 08:00:22 AM »
I like mine better...

Once upon a time, the end!


Richard

PS:  Been there done that twice...didn't learn the first time!!!!!!!
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MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1299 on: January 04, 2009, 08:47:57 AM »
I saw it coming ... I saw it coming ... I saw it coming ... and what did I do ...


I read the damn punch line anyway  :-\
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