Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1364466 times)

long762range

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1580 on: March 11, 2009, 04:05:53 PM »
Good.   They are using the MRAP to travel rather than the Humvee.  Much,much safer.

Gets R&R this summer.  Be good to see him.
"If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. That's ridiculous.  If I have a gun, what in the hell do I have to be paranoid for."

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1581 on: March 12, 2009, 06:28:40 AM »
ENLIGHTENED!


I became confused when I heard these terms with reference
to the word 'Service'.

Internal Revenue 'Service'

U.S. Postal 'Service '

Telephone 'Service'

Cable 'Service'

Civil 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

State, City & County Public 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But
today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them
said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all
those 'service' agencies are doing to us.

I hope you are as enlightened as I am.



Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

tumblebug

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1582 on: March 12, 2009, 10:32:47 AM »
 TIRED of running. ;D ;D ;D ;D

Ocin

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1583 on: March 13, 2009, 07:48:40 AM »
Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest.
Gandhi, An Autobiography, p. 446 (Beacon Press paperback edition)

tt11758

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I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1585 on: Today at 07:42:38 PM »

philw

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Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. The only thing you can’t do is ignore them

kmitch200

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1586 on: March 14, 2009, 01:36:49 PM »
An oldie but a goodie...

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles; but at least they drive slowly past schools.

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1587 on: March 14, 2009, 07:16:12 PM »
DADDY'S  GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS


I was packing for  my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time  playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this' ,  and stuck out two of her  fingers.


Trying to keep her  entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and  said , 'Daddy's  gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat  them.


I went back to  packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her  fingers with a devastated look on her face.


I  said, 'What's  wrong, honey?'


She  replied, 'What happened to my booger?'

Bill Stryker

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1588 on: March 14, 2009, 07:24:53 PM »
Subject: Irish Lent


 An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the
 pub, and promptly orders three beers.  The bartender raises his
 eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a
 table, alone.

 An hour later the man has finished the three beers and orders three
 more.  This happens yet again.  The next evening the man again orders
 and drinks three beers at a time, several times.  Soon the entire town
 is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

 Finally, a week later the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of
 the town.  "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering
 why you always order three beers."

 "Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies.  "You see, I have two
 brothers and one went to America and the other to Australia.  We promised
 each
 other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank
 as a way of keeping up the family bond."

 The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer and soon
 the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of
 pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come
 to watch him drink.

 Then one day the man comes in and orders only two beers.  The bartender
 pours them with a heavy heart.  This continues for the rest of the
 evening.  He orders only two beers.  The word flies around town.
 Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

 The next day the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me
 first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your
 brother.  You know - the two beers and all...."


 The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to
 hear that my two brothers are alive and well.  It's just that I,
 meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."  ;D


You just know this had to be in time for St Paddy's day.  ;)

1911 Junkie

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #1589 on: March 14, 2009, 08:10:25 PM »
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders 10 shots of whiskey.  He tells the bartender he just got
some bad news, found out his brother was gay. The bartender gives his condolences and gets him his
drinks.

The next week the same guy comes back in and orders 10 more shots of whiskey. The bartender asks
"what's wrong now" and the guy replies he just found out his other brother is gay too.

The third week the same poor guy comes back and orders 10 more shots. The bartender looks at him
and asks, "Man, doesn't anybody in your family like pussy?"

The guy replies,"yeah, my wife!"
"I'd love to spit some Beechnut in that dudes eye and shoot him with my old .45"  Hank Jr.

 

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