Classic joke thread...

[Teresa Heilevang]

No girls allowed? What kind of BS is that? I can guarantee I'm a hell of a lot more fun than most of the guys.. 
but....if that's the way you want it.. .. I'll just take my big kettle of fried chicken and 2 kegs of cold beer elsewhere , where I'm wanted.

[brosometal]

No girls allowed? What kind of BS is that? I can guarantee I'm a hell of a lot more fun than most of the guys.. 
but....if that's the way you want it.. .. I'll just take my big kettle of fried chicken and 2 kegs of cold beer elsewhere , where I'm wanted.

If you're carrying it, you can sit in any corner you like.  Heck, you can have the recliner.  I ain't messin' with anyone whose toting two kegs and a kettle of fried chicken.

[tombogan03884]

No girls allowed? What kind of BS is that? I can guarantee I'm a hell of a lot more fun than most of the guys.. 
but....if that's the way you want it.. .. I'll just take my big kettle of fried chicken and 2 kegs of cold beer elsewhere , where I'm wanted.

DON'T BE HASTY , dear Lady, I'm sure we can make some accommodation for you .

OK YOU CHEEZ WIZ MUNCHING  SOB's, tear down the Nekkid pictures and make room for the Lady with the Chicken and beer !!! 

[Hazcat]

No girls allowed? What kind of BS is that? I can guarantee I'm a hell of a lot more fun than most of the guys.. 
but....if that's the way you want it.. .. I'll just take my big kettle of fried chicken and 2 kegs of cold beer elsewhere , where I'm wanted.

Sweetheart, E12 is an IDIOT!

PLEASE bring yer kettle o' chicken an' beer! (got any fried bass? )

[MinotBob]

  Drafting Guys over 60----this is funny and obviously written by a Former Soldier...



New Direction for any war:
Send Service Vets over 60!



I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some %!*@%#@ that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing fanatical s-o-b's....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser..

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

[tombogan03884]

From here on M'ette will be in charge of the posters in the corner 

[Pathfinder]

From here on M'ette will be in charge of the posters in the corner 

Maybe. . . .  I ain't giving up my Dillon calendars!

[PegLeg45]

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. 

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied,  "If you were better lookin', it would lift itself."

 

[PegLeg45]

Thank goodness there's chicken and beer in the corner.........



It is not recommended that couples participate..............
 
 
 Spring Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

        REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday,  May 29, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


        Class 1
        Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
        Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
        Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.. 

        Class 2
        Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
        Round Table Discussion.
        Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. 

        Class 3
        Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wall-Mart Without Stopping?
        Group Debate.
        Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. 

        Class 4
        Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase
        Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
        Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

        Class 5
        Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
        Examples on Video.
        Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM 

        Class 6
        How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
        Help Line Support and Support Groups.
        Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

        Class 7
        Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
        Open Forum.
        Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

        Class 8
        Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
        Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. 

        Class 9
        I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
        Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. 

        Class 10
        How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
        Driving Simulations.
        4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

        Class 11
        Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
        Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

        Class 12
        How to Shop by Yourself.
        Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. 

        Class 13
        How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
        Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
        Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

        Class 14
        The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
        Live Demonstration.
        Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. 

        Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.



Don't shoot the messenger.