Classic joke thread...

[tt11758]

Ain't this the truth



Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land".



Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land".



Now Obama is going to steal has stolen your shovel, kicked your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.

Fixed it for ya.   

[tt11758]

In order to comply with the requirements of the Obama administration, the following cars will be the only vehicle selections that will be available in this country beginning with model year 2011:


The SmartCar



The Smaudi A3 AWD



For the sports car enthusiast, may we present the Smorvette



The Smerrarri



The Smorsche



The Smamborghini



And of course, that timeless classic, the Smustang

[Timothy]

TT.....HOW DOES ONE GET LASAGNA OUT OF A KEYBOARD?

thanks pal, I've got a mess to clean up.....laughing my arse off!!!!!!!

[tt11758]

TT.....HOW DOES ONE GET LASAGNA OUT OF A KEYBOARD?

thanks pal, I've got a mess to clean up.....laughing my arse off!!!!!!!

Happy to be of service, Tim!! 

[PegLeg45]

Where'd ya find the picture of Hillary running?

[Sponsor]

[Pathfinder]

[tt11758]

Where'd ya find the picture of Hillary running?

If it was Hillary you wouldn't be able to see the head.   

[True_Texan]

A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, low and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.  Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by a immigration Agent at the Tijuana-San Diego border.
 
 "May I see your identification, por favor, señor?" asked the agent.
 
 "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
 
 "Si, amigo, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border ," said the agent.

 "But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Hillary Clinton tattooed on the other."
   
 "This I must see," replied the agent.  With that, the American dropped his pants and bent over in front of the agent.
 
 "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago , Senor."
 
 "Thanks!" he said. "But why do you think I'm from Chicago ?"
 
 The agent replied, "I recognized Barack Obama in the middle!"

[long762range]

Travis, an 84 year old Texas rancher went to the doctor.  He said "Doc.  I want you to prescribe me some of those little blue pills."  The doctor looked at him a minute and said "Old timer, don't you think you are a little far along to be chasing women?"

The old cowboy answered "I don't want to chase women.  I just want it big enough so I don't pee on my new boots."

[PegLeg45]

In a rural TV program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter.
 
The interview was as follows:
 
The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
 
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
 
Reporter (obviously embarrassed) : "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
 
Farmer:  "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
 
Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
 
Farmer:  "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"