Classic joke thread...

[Steyr M40A1]

[philw]

hehe  I know it was bad,    if I had to read it  I was not going to on my own


   


this should make up for it


A husband and wife are travelling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne.



After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.



When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a bill for $450.00.



The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.



When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.



The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use.



'But we didn't use them,' the man complains



'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.



'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.



'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.



No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'



The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager.



The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' he says, 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.'



'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'



'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.



'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!

[Pathfinder]

Better, Philw, better.

[Steyr M40A1]

That last joke reminds me of similar jokes where a woman is going to be arrested or ticked for fishing with out a license for being out in a dingy. She comes back and says she will say the LEO raped her. Just because you have the equipment does not mean you are intending to use it! 

[Big Frank]

The second joke was better Phil. And a LOT shorter.

[Sponsor]

[1911 Junkie]

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
 
(1) Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
 
(2) Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means one-half hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
 
(3) Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm.  This means something, and you should be on your toes.  Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
 
(4) Go Ahead:  This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
 
(5) Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.  A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.  (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
 
(6) That's Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.  That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
 
(7) Thanks:  A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome  (This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say 'you're welcome' -- that will bring on a 'whatever'.)
 
 
( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
 
 
(9) Don't worry about it, I've got it:  Another dangerous statement , meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, refer to # 3.
 

[tt11758]

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
 
(1) Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
 
(2) Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means one-half hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
 
(3) Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm.  This means something, and you should be on your toes.  Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
 
(4) Go Ahead:  This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
 
(5) Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.  A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.  (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
 
(6) That's Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.  That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
 
(7) Thanks:  A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome  (This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say 'you're welcome' -- that will bring on a 'whatever'.)
 
 
( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
 
 
(9) Don't worry about it, I've got it:  Another dangerous statement , meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, refer to # 3.
 

Obviously you're married, too.   

[Pathfinder]

Obviously you're married, too.   

Or were married, too.

[red364]

Whatever.........

[Big Frank]

Ooh, a number 8.