Classic joke thread...

[Big Frank]

https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/08/us/gorilla-glue-girl-scli-intl/index.html

Louisiana woman has sought medical treatment after mistakenly using Gorilla Glue spray adhesive in place of actual hair spray.

You racist! Yes you is.

[Big Frank]

Not surprising.  Someone like that showed up at big Charity Hospital in New Orleans (when there was one).  She had leaves in her coochipop...so what had happened is she had a prolapsed uterus and had put a sweet potato up there to hold things up.  It started taking root...no kidding.  A friend of mine was a doctor there when that happened....

That's an urban legend that's been around for several decades. It's always a potato or sweet potato, and usually an elderly hick, but I never heard of anyone actually doing it. Not that I question the the sheer stupidity of people, because some have stuck much worse things where they don't belong. I once saw a website with x-rays of "lost objects" people have inserted into various orifices and been unable to retrieve. Two that were hard to forget were guys who tried to smuggle a snub-nose .38 revolver, and a hand grenade, into prisons.

[Big Frank]

Sixteen Hours

To the tune of Sixteen Tons


I slept sixteen hours, what did I get?
Another day older, but I wasn't done yet
St. Peter don'cha call me, 'cause I ain't dead
I'm just too damned lazy to get out of bed

I slept seventeen hours, what did I get?
My stomach growling, hungry as heck
Grab a fork and plate, spoon and bowl?
No, I rolled back over and started to snore

I slept eighteen hours, what did I get?
Wrinkles from my pillow, permanently set
I got bed head hair, that I can't comb
Well, I'll just leave well enough alone

I slept nineteen hours, what did I get?
Too much sleep, and I wasn't done yet
Should I rub one out or go back to sleep?
Ten seconds later I was countin' sheep

I sleep twenty hours and get up to pee
Look out the window, don't like what I see
It's cold outside, so whattaya know?
I'm right back in bed, not shovelin' snow

I slept twenty-one hours, what did I get?
Cotton-mouth, cotton-eye, worse yet
I woke up when I heard the north wind howl
No, that's my stomach lettin' out a growl

I slept twenty-two hours, what did I get?
No, St. Peter, I still ain't dead, yet
You've read this far, you must be brave
Tennessee Ernie's rollin' in his grave

I slept twenty-three hours, what did I get?
A really stiff back, a crook in my neck
Scratchin' my butt, scratchin' my head
Gettin' dark outside, time to go back to bed

I slept twenty-four hours, what did I get?
A silly ass song that's stuck in my head
Sittin' here, hot cup of joe in my hand
I have to sit 'cause I'm too tired to stand.


New lyrics by Big Frank

[Rastus]

That's an urban legend that's been around for several decades. It's always a potato or sweet potato, and usually an elderly hick, but I never heard of anyone actually doing it. Not that I question the the sheer stupidity of people, because some have stuck much worse things where they don't belong. I once saw a website with x-rays of "lost objects" people have inserted into various orifices and been unable to retrieve. Two that were hard to forget were guys who tried to smuggle a snub-nose .38 revolver, and a hand grenade, into prisons.

Well, maybe the legend started on my buddy's midnight shift at New Orleans Charity Hospital when he was an intern 35 years ago. 

[tombogan03884]

That's an urban legend that's been around for several decades. It's always a potato or sweet potato, and usually an elderly hick, but I never heard of anyone actually doing it. Not that I question the the sheer stupidity of people, because some have stuck much worse things where they don't belong. I once saw a website with x-rays of "lost objects" people have inserted into various orifices and been unable to retrieve. Two that were hard to forget were guys who tried to smuggle a snub-nose .38 revolver, and a hand grenade, into prisons.

Actually the Grenade seems like the least painful.   
At least it's round.   

I've had days I thought I was crapping a grenade.  Or having a democrat.     

[Sponsor]

[Rastus]

Actually the Grenade seems like the least painful.   
At least it's round.   

I've had days I thought I was crapping a grenade.  Or having a democrat.     

Have you tried Metamucil for that?

[tombogan03884]

Have you tried Metamucil for that?

If you stick it in bottom first the spoon will dig in like a sea anchor, but it should come out OK.
Talk about dropping a bomb.   

[PegLeg45]

If you stick it in bottom first the spoon will dig in like a sea anchor, but it should come out OK.
Talk about dropping a bomb.   

It's like a math problem...just work it out with a pencil. 

[tombogan03884]

It's like a math problem...just work it out with a pencil. 

The grenade, not the pin.
That would get messy.   

[alfsauve]

There was a..