Classic joke thread...

[tombogan03884]

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame
sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was
needed..

  T he bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally
and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

  After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he
had decided to call it a day.   Just then, an armless man approached
him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
T he bishop was incredulous.

  'You have no arms !'

  'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a
beautiful melody on the carillon.   T he bishop listened in
astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for
Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless
man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below.

   T he stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church
steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the
fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment
before..

   As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them
asked,

  'Bishop, who was this man ?'.

  'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,


   ( scroll down )













' ................. BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'


   WAI T ! WAI T ! T here's more


 

[tombogan03884]

 T he following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his
heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the
bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

   T he first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the
brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this
very belfry yesterday.   I pray that you honour his life by allowing me
to replace him in this duty.'

   T he bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless
man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he
groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

   T wo monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second
tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

   'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked
breathlessly.

   'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, but,



   'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER..'

[Solus]

Is it impolite to groan at someone's jokes?   

[ellis4538]

Yes, but BOOOOO, Hissssss is OK.

Richard

[tombogan03884]

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[tombogan03884]

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[PegLeg45]

 

[tt11758]

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when
he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny.
"How could he, with just two worms."

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most
quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 .
She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.
After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his
head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so
observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for
you each night?
That's very commendable.
What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family
member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say,
"and all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the
part about all girls?"
Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

[Steve Cover]

Alabama Declares War on the USA

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello", President Obama said. A heavily accented southern voice said, "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile, and I'm callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Archie," President Obama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

President Obama paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" President Obama asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer and Harry's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above," said Archie, "I'll be gettin' back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie called back again the next day. "President Obama! I'm sorry to have to tell you that we had to call off this here war." "I am sorry to hear that," said the President. "Why the sudden change of heart, Archie?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."

[Steve Cover]

Cowboy Logic

A tough old cowboy from Idaho counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.  The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103.  When he died, he left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a hole 15 foot deep and 30 foot across where the crematorium used to be.

Sorta brings a tear to your eye, don't it?